This past week she told me, on two separate occasions, that she wants to live with her friends' family.
She didn't say this in a spiteful way, nor in a sad way. She was just plain content and factual.
The first time, my first response was to tell her that I would miss her so much. To which she replied that we would see each other sometimes at the preschool or Little Gym. I then told her that those times just wouldn't be enough for me and I'd still miss her tons. Then the conversation sort of petered out.
But, truth be told, I was left with a touch of sadness and a curiosity as to what I was doing wrong, or not doing at all, that might have spurred this not-so-secret wish.
The second time she mentioned this I asked her if it had something to do with the big sister in the family. I pursued this avenue because of something else she had said before. She said, yes, she wanted this other girl to be her big sister. I then replied that her real big sister and I would miss her tons, and the conversation went on much like the last one.
Again, I was left a little melancholy. But at least this time I could share the blame with my oldest daughter.
What? Someone has to be the fall guy. And I don't have the time or energy to be taking this all on myself. Why can't I share a little?
The day my 3 year old declared that she wishes she could live with her grandmother that lives close by. Again, we went through the motions in our discussion, and I could discern no clear reason to this series of ideas she had generated. Other than the fact that she really loves her Nonna, and that she lives near a cool park.
Reason enough? Probably not.
Since that day I have been paying close attention to what my daughter is trying to tell me. Fantastical thinking aside, I'm guessing she could really use some more Mommy Time. I have fallen off the wagon again, for which I try not to judge myself and just view it as inevitable with what I have on my plate these days.
Then during a conversation with my oldest, when I learned that she negotiated her way through a potentially sticky situation with a friend in a very thoughtful and confident manner, I realized that she has had a lot of my focus so that she could get to this point. I was so proud to hear how she was sensitive to her friends' needs and tried to resolve the emotional downfall in a fair way.
I patted myself on the back and did a mental victory dance.
Then I cried.
Because I realized that it was very likely that my 3 year old was going to be on the other side of that situation in a few years. She is clearly on her way. Her social skills are practically non-existent unless you are a family member or dear friend, and even then you are likely to not get a hello until she has fully assessed your intentions. And if she then feels wronged in the slightest, she will quietly slip away, and won't return until the coast is clear once again.
She has tunnel vision right now, and I really need to start preparing her for the full horizon so she can negotiate all those sticky social situations that I know await her. I know that she doesn't have to handle them in the same way as her sister. She can and will have her own style. But I think it's time to start fortifying her self-confidence so that she feels at ease with whatever that chosen style may be. Even if it continues to be the quiet type.
So I decided it was time to take on my next
And just in case I needed more motivation for this trying trek to the peak of self-confidence, the realization slapped me in the face yesterday. Although my 3 year old is the one left with the marks.
After a long day outside, I looked at her face and saw that she was my only child with little sunburned cheeks. I realized that I managed to get sunscreen (while in the midst of our activity) on the other two kids, but forgot her.
Her sweet little cheeks have sealed the deal.
Time to start devoting more of my efforts so she doesn't get burned in the future.
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