She's Seven

Today is my middle child's birthday. She turned seven years old.

Lucky number seven. Lucky for so many reasons if you ask me.

I feel lucky to have such a wonderful person in my world. She is so full of life, so kind and loving. Over the past few years she has shown us all so much more of her personality. She's found her voice and her comfort zone and she's not going back.

Gone are the quiet and shy days of the past. In fact now most days she is not at all quiet. Rather loud I'd say. She can let out a wail with the best of them, just to make sure you are paying attention. I keep telling her she can't 'cry wolf' all the time or else I won't know when she's really hurt. So as if to prove a point, last week she had an incident that created our first accident-based doctor's visit, a near-miss with stitches. And did she cry? Not a bit. She just calmly walked up to her dad and said she got hurt. No wailing, no tears. But a lot of blood.

I guess I was wrong. There are some quiet moments in her life.

She also quiets down when she's being serious. Serious enough to tell me that she's sad about someone else being sad. That it hurt her 'on the inside' when she saw her friend get hurt.

And she's rather quiet when she's working away on an art project. Not one for video games, she'd rather do hands-on stuff. Her brother and sister could probably sit in front of a screen all day. But not her. She's got to get up and get out. Get working on a project or playing a game or sport.

I also think this year is lucky number seven because she's sort of catching up to her big sister for a little bit. For the next year or two they will share some really fun times. Right now they are loving being the girls in the family, and we have so much fun when it's 'girl time'. She adores her big sister, and tells her so. She absolutely radiates when her big sister is being sweet and nice and playing with her. She seems to know how important she is in this duo, even if her older sister isn't even aware of it yet.

So here are my birthday wishes for you this year, my little love.

• May you always have your voice, and may it always be heard, whether loud or soft.
• May you always stay calm and resist the panic, even in moments of fear or confusion.
• May you never lose your empathy for those around you.
• May you always get up and get out, taking full advantage of all that life has to offer.
• May you always realize how important and loved you are, even when it's not stated out loud.

Happy 7th birthday big girl.

Double Digits Baby

Today marks a full decade of life for my oldest daughter.

A decade. TEN years.

It doesn't sound like that old for an age. But in and of itself, it's a long time. A lot can happen in ten years. And a lot has, especially for her.

We have so enjoyed watching over her as she has found her way through those years. From making her first friend to having her first sleepover. From learning her ABCs to powering through the Harry Potter series. From hanging on to me at every good-bye to being ready to go to school before I'm even ready to leave the house.

Now she wants her own email address, calls to schedule time with friends, and makes herself her own snacks. Her growing independence is s source of great pride and sadness all at once. It means

new endeavors. New challenges. More successes, but inevitable failures. And in it all a whole lot of life lessons.

So far those lessons have taught her how to be a very caring and thoughtful girl. She helps out her younger siblings and even her friends. Her teacher has remarked that she is always someone to be counted on to help out in class and not complain if he pulls her away from something to lend a hand or to help make a situation more fair for all the kids involved.

And those ten years have also taught her to be embrace life's littlest moments. No matter where or when she can be heard singing a song, humming along in happiness. And what other people may call trash, she calls an opportunity for a new piece of art. Her creativity has clearly taken the lead in her life. Singing, music, art. Anything that lets her express herself in her own terms.

And now she is working on finding her own voice, and then listening to it. She has learned that she has the tendency to agree to things simply to make someone else happy, even if its something she doesn't want to do. She is learning that she has to be the one to find her own happiness and that it doesn't only come through making others happy.

To my oldest child. Here are my 10th birthday wishes for you.

• May you always be kind to others, taking the high road even when others try to lead you down the other path.
• May you always seize the day and always find something to sing about.
• May you always be able to give a voice to your inner needs and desires, learning that through your happiness you will also find a joy in making others happy.

Welcome to double digits, baby.

Marching On

I really need to get back into writing. I miss it so. The long list of things to do just keeps getting longer, and I really do think we all need to revisit those things that live at the bottom of our lists.

Those tend to be the things we should do the most. The more meaningful things that give us that shot in the arm that we need to start working our way down the list again, starting with the neediest items that we don't want to do but have to do. Those items that take up all our time so we never actually get to the bottom of the list.

Maybe I'll cut my long list into single items, put them in a bucket, and pick them out randomly. After I finish one I get to pick another. And then it's up to fate which ones get done every day.

I need to think about that some more. I think I might be on to something there.

I also need to think about my kids more. Which was the point of this blog when I started it.

It's time for a little catch up.

While things have changed around here, a lot has remained the same.

My oldest is still flittering about in the clouds most days, much like she has over the last several years. I admire her for it really. She has a beautiful mind that keeps growing and expanding and wrapping itself around life's most creative moments. In any given hour you will find her singing her way through her homework or the shower. Or through getting dressed or cleaning up. Or just about through anything these days. And she's now writing her own songs in a book. Perhaps you'll see it on MTV one day in the story of her musical life.

She's often found taking random items, which would otherwise be trash to me, and turning them into treasures. Boxes, bags, paper tubes, what have you. They become beds, homes or accessories for the little creatures in her life that are embodied by her stuffed animals. She's learning more about herself every day, and more about life too. She's really growing up into a beautiful young lady, inside and out.

And yet she still believes in Santa and the Easter Bunny. I hope that lasts a while longer, but I fear it won't.

Our younger daughter has changed the most over the past year or two. She's finally found her voice. She went from the quiet and shy girl that barely said "boo" to anyone, to the little spunky girl that now requests playdates and sleepovers and doesn't want to be picked up from after care.

Although the down side to this is the adjustment that we've all needed to make. She went from radio silence to a blaring bull horn that demands to be heard. Which, as you might imagine, can make for a rough transition for mom and dad. And teachers. I've always tried to "catch" my kids while being good. But I'm thinking maybe we didn't catch her often enough, being the one that was so quiet and sweet, and now she's going to make us catch her one way or the other.

It's not that bad. Just loud. And full of passion. She can be too quick to fly off the handle at all of us. But I think it's an expression of everything she's been holding in for so long. She never learned how to express herself in the right way. Now she's flooded with things to say and needs to learn how to process and sensor it all before it comes out. And that's a tough thing to learn. And to teach. But we're working on it.

In other areas she's still the same sweet girl she always has been. Loves to be outside. Chooses physical activity over screen time almost any day. Still so loving and caring to her little brother. And incredibly responsive to positive attention from her older sister. She craves that attention and we're working on getting more of it for her these days.

Now my youngest is probably the one that still rides the same waves. He's still a blur of activity and motion. Still can chatter away about the inane. Still loves to love. The spontaneous "I love you"s and hugs and kisses just melt me every time.

That boy's got my number. Quite frankly he's so damn adorable that he's got a lot of numbers these days. And I see a lot of that in his future too. Digits. Gonna get lots of digits.

It's fun to watch him learn and grow. He still loves to keep up with his big sisters. In fact he painted his own nails the other day.

And he just about refuses to go to sleep without his big sister in the room with him where she usually sleeps. Which will be more difficult to manage if we start getting her the sleepovers she's looking for these days.

As always, we are enjoying the laughs, we are annoyed by the annoyances, and we are relishing every loving moment we can get.

We continue to take deep breaths at the end of every day, because we know that no matter what time marches on. Sometimes with loud thunderous stomps, and sometimes with quiet little steps. But it's marching nonetheless.

Four by Four

Today is my son's fourth birthday.

How the time flies.

Before our very eyes he is turning into a little kid. Not so much the toddler anymore. Certainly not the baby he used to be, but of course he will always be my baby.

While it has been a while since I have regularly posted, not so much has changed with our little guy. Last year I wrote that he was fast, furious and fun. Those still stand true today. Of course he is many other things as well.

He is full of energy and enthusiasm. So much so that I often get tired just watching him. And I am always tired trying to keep up with him.

He is in one moment quiet and shy, stuck to my side, and the next waving to me as he runs by to keep up with all the big kids.


He is entirely too demanding. But I guess that is part of being young and innocent. He has no knowledge that things won't just appear in front of him the second that he asks for them. And if you ask me he'll have plenty of time to learn the value of hard work later on in life.

He is more loving than I have ever known a small child to be. There are the more overt shows of affection, like when he comes running up to me at school pick up with a big smile and throws his arms around me. But some of my favorite loving moments are those that are least expected. Like when he was watching the birthday candles on his cake burn and I bent down to be next to him while we sang Happy Birthday. He saw me right there and just impulsively turned to face me and put both hands on my cheeks and pulled my face into his so we were nose to nose with big smiles on our faces. It was like he couldn't help but do it. And I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with warmth inside. His love is truly palpable at times.

It goes without saying that his smile still fills my heart with joy. His laugh is still the most precious thing in my world.

And he is still the most challenging little bundle of energy and love in my life.

So here are my birthday wishes for my son this year.

May you always have the energy to face all of life's challenges head
on, never regretting that you could have done more.

May you always remember your roots and appreciate your foundation, but
never feel too shy to get out and explore what the world has to offer.

May you always demand the most, expect the best, and know that you deserve it all.

May you always show and share your love with those that make you happy, and
know that it will come back to you many times over if your heart stays
genuine.

Happy birthday my littlest love.

Ode to Me

Almost a half a year has flown by since I last posted to my blog.

Poor lonely blog.

Alas, yesterday was Mother's Day and I'd be remiss if I didn't post something about the momentous occassion, given the name of my blog and all.

I have to say that lately being a mom has been hard work. Well that's sort of a silly statement, eh? When isn't it hard work? But lately it seems like there's just not enough time in the day/week/month/year to really be the kind of mom I'd like to be.

I am now a working mom, so time is limited and moments with my kids are precious. I want to get the most out of each interaction with them because I know I'm getting fewer of them these days.

Perhaps that's why I don't want to wipe another butt.

Or remake another lunch because there was too much peanut butter on the sandwich.

Or dry another tear that was brought on by the word "no".

Or perhaps it's just because I'm so tired from spreading myself out like a giant trampoline so I can catch them every time they come back down from their lofty lives in the heart of childhood. Where whatever you need or wish for magically appears in front of you simply by saying the words "mommy, can I please please please?".

And when they do come back down into my safety, I propel them out there once again, putting a little wind behind them and knowing full well they will fall my way again. And that I'll catch them again, and push them back out there another time, in endless repetition.

At least for now it's endless. I do know the end is out there somewhere. It's just not visible right now.

And hence the feelings of endless unappreciated hard work which leads to a bit of exhaustion. We know we are doing this job for a reason, it's just that we aren't sure our kids know we are doing this job for a reason. Sometimes it feels like we are just here for their whimsy. Like they don't even notice all this constant support and love we are providing solely for their benefit.

And then sometimes something comes along that tells us they really do see us. That they have indeed been quietly watching us all along. Watching what we do out in the world and in our own homes.

Here's what my oldest daughter wrote in her Mother's Day poem at school. My first Mother's Day poem by the way.

If you know me at all you'll agree that she sees me. And if you don't know me, after reading this, you will.

Jessica

Great looking, nice, pretty, creative.

Taught me how to cook.

Helps me with my homework.

When I'm sad, she tells me to take a deep breath and helps me with my problems.

I am happy whenever she's with me.

Party planning, cooking, loving, volunteering.

Mom

Happy Mother's Day to me.

And to all those woman out there that mother anyone or anything with selfless love and endless effort.