The Memory Game

As we wind up this year, and I find myself only having written two entries this month, one about each of my daughters on their birthdays, I feel compelled to round it out with an entry about my son.

Ahhhh, my son. Here's a good story. After fighting a horrible flu during late November and early December, I got behind on my holiday shopping. When I was finally feeling up to leaving the house, I suggested to my husband to meet us out for a quick bite to eat after I took the kids to a store, and then we could go by another store afterward. Sounded simple enough.

But the store I went to first was TJ Maxx, which has clothing and housewares. I was there looking for clothing for teenage girls that I was donating to a holiday program. Having no idea what to get them, since I don't know them and don't have any teenagers, it was taking me a while to decide. During my attempt at making a decision, my son was getting restless in the cart. So I let him out and told my oldest to keep an eye on him. I too was watching him. So when they went out of eyesight, I followed, listening for her voice telling him to "go back to mama".

I knew I was headed for trouble when he went straight for the housewares department.

And then I heard it.

The big crash of shattered glass.

At that moment all his never-ending movements stopped. As I approached them on the other side of some shelving, I saw him standing over his mess in amazement.

I'm sure he honestly had no idea that when he threw a little cardboard box he had picked up that it was going to land on a glass martini shaker, knocking it off the shelf and causing these shards of blue and green beauty on the floor.

When you think about it, his life is fun and games. And like most two year olds, he thinks the world is there for his discovery and amusement.

And it is.

But at that moment I didn't much care for his view of life.

I cared about mine. About being that mom that lets her kids run rampant in the store, running about breaking things. I've been a mom for 8 years and this was a new one for me. When you combine "3rd child" with "boy" and "high energy", I'm finding that I'm discovering a lot of new things lately.

So I swept up the pieces with my feet the best I could, and then moved on. No one was there to tell me what else to do. I waited, but no one showed up. So we got the few things I had picked out, got in line, and got out of there. With him crying the whole time until we got outside and I let him back out of the cart.

I guess it had been so long since I'd taken him shopping anywhere besides the grocery store, I'd forgotten my usual tricks. And his usual restlessness.

I find that this is a pretty common occurrence. Time passes and we forget things. Especially things not worth remembering. It's the memory game. We forget the bad stuff and we remember the good. I mean who wants to hold on to all those annoying experiences in life, right? Unless it's traumatic, the chances are you will forget about it in time.

Lately I have been forcing myself to remember the tantrums my oldest had when she was 3 and 4 years old. And 5 years old too. They are starting to fade in my minds eye. But I want to hold on to them long enough to be able to say "this is what kids do when they are this age" whenever my other two do the same things. It's easy to apply sainthood in retrospect.

Just ask my mom. According to her, she had the most well-behaved 3 young children any mom could ask for. She even said this week that we didn't whine when we were kids. Or at least not like my kids whine.

But I remember. I remember one time complaining so much and being such a pain-in-the-ass to her that she didn't let my sister and I go somewhere with her. So we proceeded to cry and tantrum. And we were 11 years old at the time. Around that same time I remember getting into fights with my sister that involved throwing household items at each other, like hangers and scissors.

We were not all sugar and spice. The truth is we weren't perfect children. But we were children. And kids do some pretty crazy stuff as they explore the world and where they fit into it.

I've referred to my son as that kid many a time, and he certainly has those traits that put him in that category. But after these holidays, when all I seemed to hear about him was criticism from relatives, or the more gentle descriptions of "special" and "high energy", I feel the need to get my mama bear face on.

He is all of those things. And he's also a lot more. When you spend some time with, especially one-on-one, you see that he's also sweet and loving, very smart, and he can be more of a "controlled energy" type of kid. He has learned to behave within limits; he doesn't run away from you snickering when out in public, he doesn't approach strangers, he doesn't bite or hit other kids (at least not on purpose), he holds hands when crossing the street.

It is true that when he's in a crowd, he feeds off the energy and makes himself heard.

But more importantly, he snuggles and hugs, laughs and smiles, and runs around having fun.

So we'll continue playing the memory game. Knowing that, like many of us, his best years are yet to come.

And he too will achieve sainthood in retrospect.

High Five

We are on a birthday roll in the house and today is our younger daughter's birthday.

She turns five.

And I think my husband and I are breathing a sigh of relief.

She's the passionate one in the family, and she saves it all just for us. She's quiet out in the world, but when she comes home she lets it all out. And her quietness combined with her passion can make for a girl that likes to express herself with noise and motion, as opposed to words. If I only had a dollar for every time we've told her to "use your words". We'd be living on a beach somewhere and she'd be able to karate chop as many coconuts as her heart desires.

I'm really hoping that this past year as a four year old was the climax of a lot of her behaviors. I do see her settling down a bit as she heads into the next year. Turning five is actually a pretty big deal. She's no longer a toddler, and she becomes "school age". We've really seen some wonderful changes in her lately.

She's SO much easier to drop off at school now. No clinging or crying. Although there isn't quite a verbal "good-bye" yet either. But again, she's living up to her reputation as the quiet one. She'd rather just silently walk away into the rest of her day, which she's excited about in some ways, and nervous about in others. Hence her silence.

Her teacher has said how much she adores her because she is sweet, she listens and follows directions, and she's nice to everyone.

She's taken quite an interest in playing with her friends from school and is always asking me when she can have more play dates. As much as I try to make it happen, it's hard to juggle and she's proving yet again that she can be very patient.

Although, even with all the desire to play with friends, recently she told me that she wants to be left alone more often. She says she needs to be by herself sometimes.

I know exactly how she feels.

In fact, I know how she feels in many ways. She's our child in which I see the most of myself. It's in her looks for sure. One day the UPS guy came to our door and she and I answered it. As I was signing for the package he looked at her and said "you have beautiful eyes." Then I finished signing and looked up at him and he surprisingly said "oh, you have them too!"

But it's more than just eye deep. It's that feeling that you are watching a bit of yourself walk around on the earth. I don't think I can define it exactly. It's just something in her spirit that connects with me.

And it could be that she hates skirts and dresses and loves to play sports and run around with the boys. Because I did that very same thing until I was in about 6th grade. Then I still didn't wear skirts and dresses, but I did start dancing with the boys instead of running around with them. I have a feeling she'll be a bit of a late bloomer much like myself.

It's funny how each of your children can be your kids, and yet you can see them in such different lights. You connect with them in such different ways. And I'm glad she has this connection. Because my first is my first. There's no other child that can compare to that. She's the first one to take me through so many experiences as a mother. And my last child is my last. My little one that I want to stay little, and that I'll cuddle with longer than either of the other two, simply because I know it's the last of my cuddling. And he's my boy.

So I'm very thankful for this connection with my younger daughter. She's the middle child that I hope will never feel lost in the middle. She's my girl that I will always keep an eye out for, and that I will always have a sense of what she might be feeling. But I'll never assume I know it all, because she surprises me all the time.

In the spirit of giving her her own light to shine in, here are my wishes for my brand new five-year-old.

May you always love to make funny faces and sing silly songs.

May you always be able to entertain yourself for an hour with construction paper, scissors, and a roll of scotch tape.

May you always love the attention from your siblings and yet cherish your time alone.

May you always be so careful in choosing your friends, and may you be open to making new ones whenever you need someone with which to share a snack or a play date.

May you never forget that passion is what makes for an exciting life, no matter how it is expressed, so long as it's peaceful.

May you forever know exactly what you want in life, and may you find the means of attaining it while still being nice to everyone.

Happy Birthday sweet pea.

Eight is Great

Today my oldest daughter turns 8 years old. Which amazes and underwhelms me at the same time. It amazes me that it has already been eight years since she was born, when it seems like such a short time ago that she was my one and only child that I would rock to sleep at nap time and sing to sleep at bed time. It also underwhelms me a bit since so much of the time she seems like she's already 12 years old. Eight is definitely not a big enough number for her personality.

This past year has been one of new experiences for her. She played some new sports, made some new friends, and acquired her own bedroom.

While she enjoyed softball, especially since her dad was the coach, she wasn't as keen on soccer this Fall. Which I think I could have predicted. She doesn't have the drive inside her to run like her younger siblings. She's a mover, don't get me wrong. But she's more into short and fast. I don't see any long distance running in her future. Personally, I can't blame her as I have the same tastes. So as you could guess, her favorite position to play in soccer was goalie. Which is just as important as the running positions. After all, I was a goalie too. For pretty much the same reasons. Perhaps she gets more of her physical make up from me than I thought.

This summer we moved the bedroom assignments around and gave her her own bedroom. We just felt like she really could use the space and the sense of ownership. She's grown into it with a flourish, especially since we just finished the last touches over the past week or two. She has already moved into the tween years, complete with posters on the wall and her constant desire to bring a purse with her everywhere we go, filled with all the little girl essentials, like a ponytail holder and comb, some cash, lip gloss and a mirror, and usually a fake cell phone.

Over the past year her loving spirit seems to have grown a well. She's like a little mommy to her brother, constantly helping him move through his ever-changing life. She's slowly shifting into the role of mentor to her sister. And she's becoming more of a helper around the house, someone I can count on for an extra pair of hands when I'm in need. Her desire to help take care of others and make sure everyone is included makes me proud.

When we talked about what she wanted to bring to school to celebrate her birthday, she said it had to be something "dairy-free, meat-free and nut-free so everyone can have one". This sort of amazed me since she really could have picked anything she wanted. So we came up with jello jigglers. Then yesterday she came home disheartened because she said that one boy in the class couldn't eat gelatin since he was a vegan. [I'll have to do some research on that one.] She then asked if she could bring him a cupcake. I told her that was very sweet, but that we'd have to be fair and just bring the one thing, and that I was sure he'd understand.

I think that I am finally seeing all the years of hard work starting to pay off. It's not that we didn't see all of these wonderful behaviors before, because we did. But now they are her lifestyle and personality, and not just what she does when we are right on top of her.

Her sense of generosity and caring. Her responsible and loving nature. They are all hers now. She acts on them because she chooses to, not because we are telling her to do so. Because these things are some of the many wonderful traits that make up her incredibly beautiful and unique personality.

And that's why I say Eight is Great.

Here's my birthday wish for you this year my love.

May you always socialize with confidence, making new friends with ease while still cherishing those who have remained loyal.

May you always love and appreciate your younger siblings, never take them for granted, and know that they will forever look up to you as you make your path in life.

May you always have so much energy and life that you brighten any room you enter.

And may you forever know that I am proud of every hit, cheering you on for every catch, excited for every new endeavor, and here for you if ever you should fall.

Happy 8th birthday big girl. I love you.