Four by Four

Today is my son's fourth birthday.

How the time flies.

Before our very eyes he is turning into a little kid. Not so much the toddler anymore. Certainly not the baby he used to be, but of course he will always be my baby.

While it has been a while since I have regularly posted, not so much has changed with our little guy. Last year I wrote that he was fast, furious and fun. Those still stand true today. Of course he is many other things as well.

He is full of energy and enthusiasm. So much so that I often get tired just watching him. And I am always tired trying to keep up with him.

He is in one moment quiet and shy, stuck to my side, and the next waving to me as he runs by to keep up with all the big kids.


He is entirely too demanding. But I guess that is part of being young and innocent. He has no knowledge that things won't just appear in front of him the second that he asks for them. And if you ask me he'll have plenty of time to learn the value of hard work later on in life.

He is more loving than I have ever known a small child to be. There are the more overt shows of affection, like when he comes running up to me at school pick up with a big smile and throws his arms around me. But some of my favorite loving moments are those that are least expected. Like when he was watching the birthday candles on his cake burn and I bent down to be next to him while we sang Happy Birthday. He saw me right there and just impulsively turned to face me and put both hands on my cheeks and pulled my face into his so we were nose to nose with big smiles on our faces. It was like he couldn't help but do it. And I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with warmth inside. His love is truly palpable at times.

It goes without saying that his smile still fills my heart with joy. His laugh is still the most precious thing in my world.

And he is still the most challenging little bundle of energy and love in my life.

So here are my birthday wishes for my son this year.

May you always have the energy to face all of life's challenges head
on, never regretting that you could have done more.

May you always remember your roots and appreciate your foundation, but
never feel too shy to get out and explore what the world has to offer.

May you always demand the most, expect the best, and know that you deserve it all.

May you always show and share your love with those that make you happy, and
know that it will come back to you many times over if your heart stays
genuine.

Happy birthday my littlest love.

Ode to Me

Almost a half a year has flown by since I last posted to my blog.

Poor lonely blog.

Alas, yesterday was Mother's Day and I'd be remiss if I didn't post something about the momentous occassion, given the name of my blog and all.

I have to say that lately being a mom has been hard work. Well that's sort of a silly statement, eh? When isn't it hard work? But lately it seems like there's just not enough time in the day/week/month/year to really be the kind of mom I'd like to be.

I am now a working mom, so time is limited and moments with my kids are precious. I want to get the most out of each interaction with them because I know I'm getting fewer of them these days.

Perhaps that's why I don't want to wipe another butt.

Or remake another lunch because there was too much peanut butter on the sandwich.

Or dry another tear that was brought on by the word "no".

Or perhaps it's just because I'm so tired from spreading myself out like a giant trampoline so I can catch them every time they come back down from their lofty lives in the heart of childhood. Where whatever you need or wish for magically appears in front of you simply by saying the words "mommy, can I please please please?".

And when they do come back down into my safety, I propel them out there once again, putting a little wind behind them and knowing full well they will fall my way again. And that I'll catch them again, and push them back out there another time, in endless repetition.

At least for now it's endless. I do know the end is out there somewhere. It's just not visible right now.

And hence the feelings of endless unappreciated hard work which leads to a bit of exhaustion. We know we are doing this job for a reason, it's just that we aren't sure our kids know we are doing this job for a reason. Sometimes it feels like we are just here for their whimsy. Like they don't even notice all this constant support and love we are providing solely for their benefit.

And then sometimes something comes along that tells us they really do see us. That they have indeed been quietly watching us all along. Watching what we do out in the world and in our own homes.

Here's what my oldest daughter wrote in her Mother's Day poem at school. My first Mother's Day poem by the way.

If you know me at all you'll agree that she sees me. And if you don't know me, after reading this, you will.

Jessica

Great looking, nice, pretty, creative.

Taught me how to cook.

Helps me with my homework.

When I'm sad, she tells me to take a deep breath and helps me with my problems.

I am happy whenever she's with me.

Party planning, cooking, loving, volunteering.

Mom

Happy Mother's Day to me.

And to all those woman out there that mother anyone or anything with selfless love and endless effort.