Signs of Things to Come

I think we've entered into a new chapter in our family this week.  It's all about the boy-girl thing.  Or boys trying to impress girls at least.  Okay, let me explain.

I have to start by saying that one of the best parts of living in a planned community with about 5 feet in between your house and your neighbor, and what feels like only 20 square feet of backyard, is that you are sort of forced into the neighborhood for your outdoor play.  This means that when we are outside, so are all of the kids in our immediate area.  The kids of the month right now are a few 11 and 12 year old boys that live on either side of us, and a couple of 2 year old boys down the street as well.  This story really pertains more to the older boys.   But for the record, there are also a few girls ages 6 to 12 right around the corner, it's just that the boys tend to circulate around our street due to the proximity to their houses.  

Now let me say that these boys are absolutely adorable and very sweet with my little kids.  And lately they've been great at keeping all of my children entertained, especially my oldest.  They ride their scooters and bikes around with them and in general they all have a lot of fun.

The interesting part started when one of the boys came over on his electric motor bike.  This is something that looks like a small version of a motor bike, but makes no noise when it runs since it's an electric motor that runs on battery.  Pretty cool.  So cool in fact that my husband took a spin on it the other day and was quite amused by it all.

While they were all riding around, my husband included, the boy that owns it offered to give my oldest daughter a ride on the back.  She agreed, then hopped on, and off they went down the street (with helmet of course).  

That's where it all began.  The sight of her on the back of that bike, holding on tight to that little boy, was sort of a life changing event for us.  It was like we were watching our daughter take off on the back of a motorcycle after her boyfriend picked her up to go out on a Saturday night.  

It's definitely bittersweet to watch your kids grow up.  You rejoice in their new endeavors and adventures, but you realize that even if it's not right this moment, at some point they will be letting go of you and grabbing on to their future.  Hopefully they will do this one hand at a time, or even one finger at a time, but nonetheless, they will be letting go one day.

Thankfully for right now she's still holding on tight to us.  But that vision made us see the future a little more clearly.  And with a little more fright too.  Of course it didn't hurt that she had a tattoo on her arm at the time which was a star with wings on it, just like you might see on a biker babe's arm.  So there she was, helmet strapped on, all inked up, riding on the back of this guy's bike.  Are you with me now?

As an aside, later on that afternoon my husband says that she pretty much went "toe-to-toe" with a couple of these boys during a discussion.  She was apparently determined that her point of view was correct, and she wasn't going to back down to them.  And if you know my oldest child at all, this probably doesn't surprise you.  She may be only 7 years old, but she thinks much like a 10 or 12 year old, often surprisingly so.  Perhaps this is filling in the picture a bit more for you now.

So after the bike fun was over it was back to scootering and sidewalk chalk as usual.  Then a few days later, the same offer was made, and she was back on that bike with this sweet young man (little boy, really, but you can't help but think of him as a  young man because he's so nice and well-mannered).  Again, the ride was over and she was back to her usual 7-year-old play.

A few days later, one of the other boys came over knocking on the door after school.  He had a new electric scooter and he was looking for someone to share the excitement with, so he thought he'd see if my oldest was around.  But she was at a friend's house, so I had to send him packing.  While he's walking away he says "don't tell her, okay?" meaning that he doesn't want me to tell my daughter that he stopped by.  Hmmmm.

The next day when we were outside playing, here he comes on his new electric scooter.  He shows us all his new toy, and after a little bit he asks if my oldest daughter wants to ride on the back of it with him.  While this boy is nice, and the scooter seems fun, it's just not the same as a motor bike, and my daughter declines.  He then asks a couple more times, and ends with a "are you sure?" and I can hear that he's a little disappointed.

Uh oh.  They might only be 12 years old boys, but they are in tune with the competition that life offers, and it seems that there is a very subtle bit of it riding in the wake of all these electric motors.  And I think my daughter has unknowingly crushed a smidgeon of it.

So here we are.  The door to the next phase of life has cracked open and given us a glimpse of things to come.  The boys calling at the door.  The rides off into the sunset. The disappointment of rejection.  

Thankfully I think that door only opened a tiny bit, and it is now closed again.  But it's bound to re-open sometime soon.

A little too soon I'm afraid.

Best of Intentions

Sometimes I have the best of intentions, but it just doesn't pay off.  I'll think I'm doing something that will get me credit with my kids, but it turns out to be a bust.  And it's not that I chose to do it to win my kids over.  I just think it's what's best for them.  Or I think it'll be fun for them.  But sometimes it turns out it's not what's best for them, and it's not fun at all.  Instead, it's what I think I should be doing as a parent, and in actuality, my kid's not going to give me any credit on it.  In fact, I can end up in debt. 

So when it was time for my younger daughter's preschool family picnic yesterday, I had to stop and look at my account balance from this week to see if we should go.  Sure enough, I was in debt to her.

Earlier in the week I had volunteered to bring some fruit to a "Kindergarten Teacher Tea" at my oldest daughter's school.  This is a bit tricky to explain, but I'll give it a shot.  She had to go to a neighboring school for Kindergarten last year because our local school is overcrowded (there's the simple version).  So at the end of every school year our local school brings over all the Kindergarten teachers from this other school, who are teaching our local kids Kindergarten every year until our new school gets finished (this version is getting longer).  They come over after school and sip iced tea and lemonade while saying "hi" to all their former students from the past 3 years.  

Okay, moving on.  So I'm bringing fruit over and I'm excited for my oldest to get to see her teacher from last year.  Since I usually pick up my daughter at the curb in the car, this is a treat for me to be waiting at her classroom when the bell rings.  And sure enough, my daughter enjoys seeing us there, and enjoys seeing her teacher from last year.  And she enjoys eating all the fruit.  In fact, I'm not sure which one of these things she likes better.  

Oh well.  Best of intentions.  But on this one I did get some credit with my oldest, it just wasn't nearly as much as I thought would be deposited.

While this was all going on, my younger daughter is literally standing behind me with her hands in both my back pockets.  Which,  you guessed it, means her nose is in my ass.  But that's neither here nor there, it's just for your visual pleasure.

All these kids mingling around, along with all their parents that are there picking them up and all the teachers, has made for a very crowded space.  And she's not at all happy with it, even with a cookie in her hand.  So we sit down and get through it all with her on my lap.  In the meantime my son decides he wants out of the stroller to play around a little.  Which gives me hope that he won't end up being another shy one in our family.  When it's time to go, my son decides he wants to push the stroller and my younger daughter decides to hop in and let him push her. 

How very symbolic that was, now that I'm looking back at it.

Okay, so we're back to family picnic day at the preschool.  For the past month I've had it written on my calendar and I've reminded my husband and so forth.  And on Thursday, the day before, I suddenly realize we shouldn't go.  The funny thing is, all week I kept forgetting to sign up.  I think my subconscious was telling me something.  

We've been going every year for 6 years (when my oldest was in school there) but I don't think we should bother this year.  I flashed back to the other day at the school where my younger daughter was like glue to my leg.  She wasn't crying or anything like that.  She was just stuck there, not enjoying herself.  Later on she said something about that "thing" not being very fun for her because there were too many people.

And I realized that just because I think we should go to this family picnic, just because it's a nice event and we are invited and we've gone every year, and just because my oldest daughter used to love going, doesn't mean that we have to go.  Or that it's what's best for my kid.

So I nixed it.  The teacher asked when I picked her up Thursday afternoon if she would see us the next day.  I told her that we weren't going, and all my reasoning, and she was fine with it.  She even mentioned that since it's not my daughter's regular day at school, she understands not going out of our way to attend it if she's not going to have fun.

Friday morning came and I asked my daughter if she wanted to go.  Sure enough, she said she didn't really want to go.  Now there's a brilliant idea.  Asking her.  

When Friday lunchtime came around we instead had a family picnic at home.  For the past week she's been asking to have a picnic out in front of our house (usually we eat at the table out on our back patio if we eat outside).  So I got out the blanket, made lunch, and she and I and my son had lunch outside.  This was much more her speed.

When I asked her if this was better than a picnic at school with all her friends and their moms and dads, she said yes.  And when I asked her what was better about it, she said "it's at home".

Enough said.  

She may be the one that takes a little longer to fly the coop.  But I'm okay with that.  I'll keep her under my wing until she's ready to fly.  

And she will fly one day.  I know it.

Birthday Boy

Today is our son's 2nd birthday.  And while he may be our third child, he is not to be overlooked or forgotten in the crowd.

I can safely say that he's the first one to take us through many experiences.  Which speaks volumes considering we've been at this parenting thing for 7 and a half years.  Of course, some of these things are based on the fact that he's a boy.  Like he's the first one of my kids to obsess over Thomas the Train.  And he's the first one that can get a sunburned belly (my girls aren't into the bikinis yet).  And he's the first one to get a buzz hair cut.  That one may be a bit obvious, but it's a change of pace in my life, that's for sure.  I'm used to going to the kids hair salon once every 3 or 4 months.  Looks like daddy will be brushing up on his 3 blade skills.

My son is also the first one at this age to thank me profusely, or anyone for that matter, whenever they do something for him.  He says "tay koo mommy" after I get him a drink or snack, or after I open a door for him or put his shoes on him.  He even says it when I put him down for a nap.  I'm really hoping this is a sign of the gentleman he's to become.

He's also the first one of our kids to become an escape artist.  A couple weeks ago he was happily playing in the tub and my husband was in the next room on the computer.  So I took a quick jaunt downstairs to change over some laundry, figuring my husband would keep an ear out for the little guy for a few seconds, and thinking that he'll just play in the water for a minute, singing his usual tunes.  After not even 10 or 20 seconds, I hear "Mooooommmmy.....mooooooommmmy..." and it's getting louder each time.  Next thing I know it's very close by.  So I turn around and peak at the top of the stairs and there he is, in all his naked glory, dripping wet on the carpet.  Huh.  I didn't see that one coming.

Nor did I see the quick escapes from the crib coming either.  Neither of our girls ever got out of their cribs.  Ever.  Did I mention that they never did that?  Ah, the good ol' days.

Anyway, this all started about a week or so ago - right after the bathtub escape now that I think about it.  He woke up with his "I'm scared" scream, which got louder and more insistent over the course of a minute or two.  Since he's a kid that almost never gets up during the night we took our bets that he'd go back to sleep in a minute.  Not so.  His cries got louder, were followed by a loud thump, and then the got even louder as he tore past our bedroom, calling out for me, and started his rapid sliding descent down the stairs on his belly, screaming the whole way.  My husband leapt down the stairs after him and eventually we got him calmed down (but we had to deal with the side effect that he woke up his older sister).  After one more quick escape, that was another loud thump followed by the "I hurt myself" cry, he was back in his crib.  The next time he stood up to get out, I was at the door and told him to stay in bed.  Two more of those and we were done for the night.  Although he did get out of the crib that next morning when he woke up.  But for a week or so after that, nothing.  No escapes at all.  Until last night.

Last night he got out of his crib to find his favorite sleeping buddy at bedtime.  Daddy quickly resolved that situation, but then we had two "I'm scared" screams at different times during the middle of the night.  Both of those were followed by very loud screams down the hallway as he came to find us.  Then he helped himself out of the crib this morning.  And tonight, at bedtime, I had to do the "go back to bed" routine with him 4 times, and then stood at the door and did it another 3 times before he actually got out.  Then the last time, I was a little later, so I opened up the door a bit wider just in time to see his escape.  He's quite agile.  He climbs over the top while holding his doggy (the aforementioned favorite sleeping buddy) in one hand.  Which means that he throws himself over and is hanging on by one hand while dangling a good 10 inches above the ground, doggy secured safe and sound under the crook of his other arm, and then drops to the floor to make his escape.

Ah, my sweet boy.  How you challenge us so.  But with every new discovery, you make us stronger.  

So this year here are my birthday wishes for you.

May you always have good manners and earn the mutual love and appreciation of the women in your life.

May you always love the simple things in life, like a speeding train, a full moon, and a funny face.

May you always move with such speed and agility, and always go after what you truly desire.

May you always know that my arms are forever open, waiting to give you comfort in your times of need.

Happy Birthday my little love.

It's a Stretch

It's Mother's Day once again.  A perfect time for me to come out of hiding and log back into the blogosphere.

It's funny, because this day is supposed to be about me.  Well not me, but us; the mothers of the world.  But what it always turns into is a sweet reminder of how precious my kids are to me.  I'm guessing it might do the same for most of the mothers out there as well.

Because we all know that we aren't mothers without our children.  So how could this day possibly be only about us?  And even if you don't have your own kids, know that your mom is probably getting a big smile on her face today while she is thinking about you and how you've made her a better person.

I know that's the case for me.  My kids continue to challenge me every day.  They do things that require me to stretch beyond my comfort zone, or they act in a way that calls for more patience and understanding than I ever knew I had in me. And in fact, sometimes I don't have it in me. But either way, that's a wonderful thing.  Moving beyond your self-imposed boundaries so that you can be who you need to be for someone else.  And when you come back into your safe place, when it's time for some quality "alone time", you'll be a better person than before you had to deal with all that spilled milk.

However, the flip side of all that growth is the exhaustion.  When you have young kids you end up doing a lot of stretching, molding and general bending over backwards.  And it makes you quite sore.  It's that ache like you get after a good work out.  You hurt, but it's a good hurt.  You know you did something good, and that you'll be stronger for it.  However in the meantime you really just want to sit down and rest.  And besides, you are getting all kinds of mental and emotional stretch marks, not to mention the physical ones.  

And it's that very raw tiredness that makes us wish the time away.  But we only get one time in our lives when our kids are little and they look at us like we can do no wrong.  When all it takes to make the tears stop is a kiss from mommy.  Or when they cry when we leave them, as if their oxygen is being cut off and their life just isn't any fun without us.  Because really, right now, it isn't.  And that will not always be the case.

So on days like today, I will once again pledge to live in the MOMent.  I promise to do my best to:

Play more peek-a-boo and less hiding at the computer.

Be more loving and understanding in those moments of total chaos, when all I really want to do is scream "EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP!".

Give a deep, soulful, I-love-you-from-the-tip-of-my-toes-to-the-top-of-my-head hug to my kids as often as I possibly can.  Especially since one day soon they won't want them as frequently and I almost miss them already.

Put more sunscreen on their freckled noses.

Listen to what they are saying when they aren't talking.

Join in their carefree play as often as I can, trying my best to ignore that voice in my head telling me I have so many other responsibilities that I am not getting done because I am having a pretend birthday party for a stuffed animal.

So hug your mother today.  Or talk to her.  Or pray to her.  And know that you helped bring joy into her life that never would have been there without you.