In The Zone

What's this? Two posts in two days!? Unheard of!

But today was worthy. Very worthy.

Today I was IN THE ZONE.

Now yesterday, not so much. I think yesterday I hit a bit of a rock bottom, as they say. It was your basic day, but I just realized, after a few conversations with friends and acquaintences, that I was not putting my best foot forward with my kids. Namely with my son.

As I have said before, he has a tendency to be "that kid". A screamer. A thrower. A hair puller. Et cetera. Yesterday I realized that a lot of this was my fault. Yes, he has plenty of testosterone. But I can't blame it all on that. I just haven't had the patience and tolerance to educate him the way I taught my other two kids at the same age. With my girls I was still in prime mothering form. But now I'm like an old quarterback out there on the field that can't throw a pass to save their career but still never gives up. Because they think they are playing great. But really, they are old and tired and worn out, and can't give the game nearly the pep that they used to.

Not sure where that football analogy came from, but you get the idea.

Of course , like any good mother, I blame my other two kids for wearing me down to this point in the first place. Or it could have something to do with being almost 8 years older than when this whole motherhood thing began. And spending almost every single day of the last 7 years drying tears, wiping snotty noses, filling sippy cups, cleaning up messes and carrying around small people that never leave me alone. See, I'm back to blaming the kids again.

Regardless, I had hit a low point. And I realized why. And I vented about it. And then a miracle happened.

I woke up to my screaming son this morning. Okay, that wasn't the miracle. The miracle was that I woke up and thought "oh my God, I can't do this another day." And then I went downstairs and tried my best to put on a good face.

And after a while I wasn't trying anymore. I was just in a really good mood. And so was my son. I've never been more sure that his mood is a reflection of my own. I have known this for a while but I just didn't have the energy to pretend to be happy most days. For whatever reason, today I did. And it was truly a blessing of a day.

It went a little something like this:

He was happy through the grocery store; not a single scream or tear.

We were early to the athletic club so we went to the gymnasium and played with some basketballs. And he was happy to put them back and go to the child care center. Again, not a single scream or tantrum.

Then I played tennis. And man, did I play some tennis. I could do no wrong! Every single ball I hit, with the exception of a few, went exactly where I wanted it to go. After an hour of this, I thought I really need to go by some lottery tickets because something is definitely going my way today.

Then I went to pick up my son and the woman at the child care center said he had a really good day today. Go figure. Lately I've been hearing a lot of "he had a time-out today" or "he tried to push someone today." But not today, my friends.

He had a couple of attempts at screaming in the car, but I was able to thwart it every time today with my 'trick of the day': I counted to three slowly, holding up the right number of fingers every time, and then said "sshhh, sshhh, sshhh". And it worked. He seemed fascinated by the number two all day; he would try to do it with his fingers and it just made him giggle every time.

Whatever works.

Then he had a nap, and woke up without screaming or crying. Now that is unheard of.

Then we went to the library and the first person I saw was my neighbor. She didn't know it until after I approached her, but she was the topic of a few conversations yesterday as I realized that I should ask her if her 12 year old daughter could be a 'mother's helper' during some afternoons so she can play with the kids while I cook dinner or get things done around the house. All afternoon and evening yesterday I was trying to figure out how I could get a hold of her short of stalking her driveway. And we walk into the library and - bam - there she is.

In the zone, baby. Needless to say her answer was "yes, she'd love to!" and she's going to send her over to our house to figure out a schedule this weekend.

Nice!

And it's probably no surprise at this point that the longer my day went on, no matter where we went or what we did, the better my mood got. I was starting to think to myself that I should look in a mirror because I might have grown a second head. Where did this great attitude come from?

Perhaps it just came from finally seeing some light. Seeing some hope in the future for getting a little more help with my kids. And knowing that it's okay to ask for that help. It doesn't make me a bad mom, or an ungrateful person for living in this blessed life and still wanting "more." It makes me smart because I realize that I'm not taking care of myself or putting myself first. And if I don't do that, then I'm not the only one that suffers. My kids suffer too. Not to mention my poor husband who has to pick up the slack every night when he gets home.

My family has had to suffer through my bad mood for the past 6 months, or so it seems. But no more. I've turned a corner and I'm not going back.

Now someone just remind me of this the next time I call you up to bitch and moan.