Rainy Season

Doesn't it always seem to be the case that just when you think you are making progress, you end up losing your footing and slipping back down the hill a bit?  Okay, maybe not always, but sometimes, and when it does happen it's frustrating and exhausting.

We seem to be in that spot with our middle child.  And we are definitely all frustrated and exhausted.  

Just when I thought we were making headway on her social skills, we had a bit of a set back.  She's been so much better at school.  Drop offs are seamless. She's always playing with the other kids when I pick her up.  She's talking with them all and interacting like any 4 year old should.  It really makes me proud.

Now the bad news.  This weekend we went to one of her best friends birthday parties and she would not participate one bit.  Not only did she not want to do anything at the jumpy house place, she was crying on and off the whole time and saying "I want to go home," in her soft, sweet voice.  This has never happened before.   She's been shy, sure.  She's been hesitant to play, definitely.  But I can always get her going and engage her to participate in something along with me by her side.  This time, no go.  I tried all my tricks too.  I was perky and happy and funny.  I tried pretending like I was glued to the thing and I needed her help to get me up.  I tried tickling her and tempting her with basketball, in a jumpy that had absolutely no one in it but us.  All the things that usually work.  But I got nothing.  Zip.  Nada.  Except for tears, tears and more tears.  It was like she made up her mind from the second we entered the place (and not one minute before mind  you - she was perfectly happy the whole day and all the way there) and she wasn't going to budge.

So after a half hour or so, we left.  It just wasn't worth it anymore.  I never usually give up (or give in) like that.  That was a first for me.  

Wait.  I take that back.  That was a second for me.

The first was a few weeks ago when she refused to go into her gymnastics class.  I can't believe I almost forgot about it.  We were all the way there and inside with her shoes off and all.  And all the while she was saying, in a nice voice, that she didn't want to go.  And I was talking with her and trying to work through it.  But when the door to the gym opened up, she didn't budge.  

Then her brother and sister also ended up in tears at that same moment, due to other occurrences not worth detailing.  But suffice it to say, I'd had enough.  So we left.  Now that was a first.  I really don't give in like that.  Mostly because I can usually get my way.  Oh, I mean, I can usually get her to come around.  Because this is all about her, right?

On the plus side, she has been better with babysitters lately.  But we can still have an episode without warning where she'll just cry and cry and scream a bit when she has to say good-bye to me.  Actually, speaking of that, she did in fact do just that a couple weeks ago.  And the worst part about it was that I was leaving her with my husband.  And her tantrum only made him sad and angry.  Which made her more sad and angry.  And it wasn't pretty until after about 30 minutes when she finally calmed down through something fun and distracting that my husband maneuvered.

By then he was frustrated and exhausted.  Of course.

Now this morning she was digging her feet in again.  A lot of mornings lately she'll just decide she doesn't want to get dressed or go along with the flow.  And it aggravates my husband and I to no end.  We struggle and struggle to turn her around and it just isn't working anymore.

We are frustrated and exhausted.  Wait, did I mention that already?

Do you know how hard it is to stay positive and perky when you are pissed off?  But if you go down the toe-to-toe path with her, you'll regret it.  Because this girl can dig her feet in.  And then the calm refusals turn into outright loud and obnoxious refusals, and you are no better off.  I thought I knew how to be stubborn.  But this little one takes the cake.  So your best ammunition to turn things around is to stay positive and win her over to your side.  Which usually works.

It's just zapping all our energy in the meantime.

And lately I've tried reinstating the sticker charts for rewarding positive behavior.  But I think I just don't have the time and energy to make it really rewarding for her.  Or else this girl needs more than the usual dog and pony trick to keep her happy.  Because it doesn't seem to be having much of an impact on her.

So where do we go from here?  She's so sweet and cuddly and lovable.  She's a little ray of sunshine.  

Until those rain clouds come.  And then watch out, because you could get a flash flood.

That's where I feel like we are at with her.  My husband and I are trying to hold the sandbag damn together while the flood waters keep rising and receding.  When will the rainy season stop?  As she gets older?  As she learns that we won't give in to her little daily battles?  How long will this all take?

More importantly, how long can my husband and I hold back the floods?

Frankly, I think she's the one that knows all about sandbagging.