Chaos of Three

This weekend I spent two lovely, quiet and fun days spent with nothing but adult food and adult conversations.  And with my four favorite ladies, no less.  I miss them all already.

Over the weekend my sister and I were chatting about what it's like to have kids, and whether or not she was considering having a third child.  In giving her answer she said she was really very happy with her family as it is and right now she doesn't need to invite the "chaos of three" into her life.

The chaos of three?  I immediately thought to myself, does it show that much?  Is my life so crazy that everyone can see all that chaos all the time?  I know I feel it all the time, but are my seams bursting apart in front of the world?

Then I inquired about her brother-in-law and their family, who just added their third child in the past year or so as well.  Indeed, she could confirm that it's not just me and my family, it's them too. 

Phew.  It's nice to know you aren't alone.  

Perhaps I should start a support group for mothers of three or more.  

But if you have more than four children on purpose, you aren't invited because then it's very likely you'd be certifiable.  No offense, but really, five kids?  You have to be a bit off balance to really want that.  Of course a lot of people would say that about three kids. 

After coming home from my weekend I was talking to my very-giving-very-loving-most-wonderful-father husband of mine and he confirmed the theory.  And better yet, he figured out the reason why life seems so chaotic with 3 kids.

It's the age span.  Seems simple enough, but I never really thought about it.  

Basically, by the time you have your third kid, you already have a 4 or 5 year old.  So by the time your youngest is up and running around, you have a child in primary school and another one in preschool, and a toddler.  The key words here are "primary school" and "toddler" in the same sentence and under the same roof.

Of course you could have a smaller age span if you have twins.  But let's just assume that the word "twins" and the word "chaos" are very closely related.

As my family has learned over the last couple of years, elementary school comes with a kit and kaboodle of fringe activities and necessities.  There's the obvious activities, like Girl Scouts, soccer, softball, dance class and what not.  Those are more or less under your control.   Although they often send out pleads of help, asking for coaches or troop leaders and the like.  Right there you are inviting chaos into your life.  But it doesn't stop with that.

Those are nothing compared to the buffet of volunteer "opportunities" that are offered at a public school through a mist of guilt and a cloud of the sense of duty, responsibility and obligation.  As a parent of a child in public school, I think I feel a bit obligated to help out, seeing as my child is getting a "free" eduction and all.  You know.  It's the whole it-takes-a-village concept.  And I really do believe in it.

That's the problem.

If you are anything like me, and there's no saying you are, but if you are reading my blog, it's more likely than not.  So if you are, your life opens up to a realm of activities that you never really thought about.  And they are big and small, depending on what you want to commit to.  

There's the classroom volunteering opportunities: room parent, donations for parties, party planning, charity planning and education, art lesson assistance, field trip chaperoning and in-room volunteering to help the teacher, to name a few.

Then there is the school-wide opportunities, including but not limited to: assistance with the hot lunch delivery, helping at festivals, helping with teacher appreciation week, being on the PTA, leading or being on a committee for a fundraiser, donating for charity drives, participating in fundraising activities and drives, or being on the committee to plan all the committees.  And the list goes on.

None of these things existed before Kindergarten.  And yet here they are, laid out before you at the school registration, like a buffet of needy, starving children that need your help.  Sign up now and you can save the life of this child, for just a mere 5 hours a week of your time and a pint of your blood!

Now I know that it's perfectly fine to not volunteer for anything.  But I also know that that's not my style.  And I know that our PTA President is a full-time working mom, as are most of the other PTA officers.  And the room moms.  So I always feel like, if they are doing it, so should I.

I think when you work you feel obligated to get more involved because you can't be there as much during the day for your kids.  And when you stay at home with your kids, you feel obligated because you are home during the day and it's supposedly easier for you than for those mothers that work.

You can't win.

So here you are, stretched thin between all those things you signed up for when you were feeling like you should do something to help, and all those things you signed up for when you got pregnant with your third child.  And let's not forget all those things that come with the child in between, as we too often do.

And you have to get your husband to cover things when you have evening meetings, and a babysitter for your daytime obligations and on and on.

TA-DA.

The Chaos of Three.

Can someone pass me my glass of wine please?