MomD

MomD \mom-dee\ abbreviation for Mom Degree, noun: The honorary degree earned through time enrolled at the School of Mom. Single credits are earned through hands on experience and on-call service provided 24/7. Double credits are given for time spent breastfeeding and nursing ill children back to health. While the skills acquired during this time are vast and hard earned, it should be noted that this degree, if earned full-time, may be undervalued when re-entering the business world. It does, however, entitle the individual to unlimited use of the term “buck up”, especially when directed at your spouse, and the right to guilt-free massages when located anywhere within 100 feet of a spa.

You know you have been busy working on your degree at the School of Mom when your friends, even those without kids, call you up or email you for medical advice.

This past winter was one of the worst seasons for illnesses in our family. For the first time in six years, my oldest daughter missed school days, along with her younger sister, and I am now on a first name basis with the receptionist and nurses at the doctor's office. So begins the time when one winter in our household can single-handedly pay for our doctor’s next trip to the Bahamas.

Doctor visits aside, I guess I must have been a little more verbal about my suffering than I realized (who me? complain?), because within one season I had vaulted into a new category for advice. Suddenly I was fielding questions from friends like “I have stuff coming out of my eyes; what did it look like when your son had pink eye?” or ”The day care called and said my son has blisters in his mouth; what are the symptoms for Hand, Foot and Mouth? How long will he be contagious?”

According to the registrar in our house, these past few months of caring for sick children while my husband had an increase in business trips has qualified me for extra credits.

However I just received word that I need to retake the classes titled "Saying 'No' With a Smile" and "Learning to Love Chaos". I also got a notice that I am going to lose some credits for yelling at the top of my lungs "STOP YELLING!!"; apparently there is something about it that is unconstructive.

Self Diagnosis: Maternal Exhaustion

Prescription: One week in the Carribean without kids.

Possible Side Effects: Occasional bouts of worry, a persistent feeling like you forgot something, and an underlying homesickness for your children.