Six so soon?

Today is the 6th birthday of my middle child. Otherwise known as my younger daughter and the only child that gets to be both "big" and "little" sister in our family.

What a year this has been for her. I can't even begin to adequately describe the growth that she has embraced over the past 12 months.

A year ago she was still reluctant to let us go when saying good-bye. It was just about the time that she was finally not crying anymore, but she wasn't running off to be with her friends either. She was doing the silent good-bye without looking back for fear that she would see what she would be missing.

Nowadays, we can drop her at school and she'll give us a little smile good-bye as she waltzes right into class. She started Kindergarten this fall, and although I haven't written about it, the experience has been wonderful.

We were worried that she didn't know anyone and weren't sure how she would be socially adapting to a new school and a new group of friends. But she was fine. Absolutely great in fact. She soon learned to love school and reported playing with a couple of friends. Boys, of course. And those couple are still her friends to this day.

She also started going to an after-care program after school. After a rough first day, she adjusted and soon learned to love the extra arts and crafts time too. As well as seeing those same two buddies for a little longer. Now she stays the full day and has never once complained. She really does love exploring this new little world she lives in.

This past summer she went to her first camp. She never before wanted to go to a camp. But this year she did a basketball camp with one of her friends. And she had a great time. Not a single problem dropping her off, never a complaint. Then later in the summer she was at the same camp that I volunteered at for the Girl Scouts. Her older sister went off to her group, I went off to mine and she and her brother went off to theirs. And she loved it. She really loved it. I have to say I think she even ruled the roost a little bit in her group. She was the oldest (not by much) and it was right up her alley; tons of arts and crafts and playing in the dirt.

It's like she's really starting to have fun with her childhood. For so many years she seemed to have one of those worry clouds over her head. Not really so much at home, but definitely when she went out into the world. But slowly that cloud has disappeared over the past year. And I like to think it's being replaced by one of those big yellow happy faces.

A few weeks ago she had another first. She was invited to a friends party at a little kids gym place. Do you happen to remember my stories about her going to friends' parties in the past? The way she would cling to me? The time we actually had to leave the party because there were too many people and too much noise? Well this time she went right in. Joined the group and never looked back. In fact, my husband took her and he ended up leaving her there while he went out and "ran a few errands". Probably at Starbucks. And she was great! She had so much fun she has asked to go back there to play. And asked. And asked.

Over this past year she has really adjusted to the world around her. She used to be afraid to look around and see what was waiting for her. She was overwhelmed by large crowds and noisy places. Now she is opening her eyes and taking it all in. And after a sage assessment of what's in front of her, she is participating. At least most of the time. Almost all of the time really.

She's answering people's questions when they ask her her name or her age. She's socializing with friends every chance she gets. We even took her along to my son's preschool holiday party last week and she was perfectly content going from craft table to craft table making things. In a room - a large room - full of adults and kids. That was loud. And warm. And that would have caused her to completely shut down a year or so ago. But this year she didn't care. She wasn't worried at all.

She even sat on Santa's lap for the first time this year. Despite her trying to talk her sister into believing that there is no Santa. I think that's just her rational side that she let's take over a bit too often.

This girl always has two feet on the ground. She's patient, loving, and incredibly grounded. Sometimes she's so sensible I want to tell her to just let go and have some fun. But then the next thing you know I'll see her pretending she's Buzz Lightyear shooting the aliens, and I'll realize that she does have a fun and creative side to her. It's only just now starting to really come out from underneath her emotional security blanket.

Here are my wishes for you this year, my beautiful six year old girl.

May you always keep your eyes open to the world and all that it has to offer.

May you always see the light that you add to that world, and may it always shine brighter with every year.

May you always choose your friends carefully and know that where one friendship ends another can begin.

May you never loose your sure footing on this earth, keeping your balance and sound judgement.

May you never forget that sometimes the creativity within our own minds lights the path to our dreams.

Happy birthday my love.

Nine is Devine

Today is the 9th anniversary of when I became a mother. It also happens to coincide with my daughter's 9th birthday, for those of you keeping track.

I honestly can't believe that nine years have passed since my husband and I first took on parenthood. Sure, you could say that it was 9 years and 9 months ago, but really, let's all face it. You aren't a parent until there are tears that you have to dry and bottom that you have to wipe.

So now here we are. Deep into parenthood with all its joys and fears. And I have to say that it's a pleasure that we get to experience so many firsts with my oldest. This past year had a few of them.

For every trip we have taken on an airplane this year, we had the joy of hardly noticing our oldest was with us. This was the first year that she packed her own bag, rolled it through the airport, stowed it away, and then kept herself busy the entire trip. Every time. In fact, being that we have the odd number of people in our family, and that most of our trips were in smaller planes that only had 2 seats on either side, many times this past year our oldest sat in a row by herself, usually immediately in front or behind me. Like I said, we hardly noticed she was with us. Especially since she would charm her way into chatting or playing a game of hangman with her neighbor.

And speaking of charming her way into people's lives, this year is the year of the first crush. According to her chitter chatter with her friends there's a certain boy that "likes" her in school. This also happens to be the boy that she mentions quite a bit, so I figured maybe she had a crush on him as well. I was proven correct when I went in to her parent/teacher conference last month and the teacher raved all about her, and then said, "but". She followed it with a statement that everything was great until about 2 weeks prior when she started not listening well, giggling too much and seemingly getting into other peoples' business for no reason. When the teacher was telling me this a lightbulb went off in her eyes and she said she thought it must be the new seat assignments. At that very moment my lightbulb went off and I inquired who she was sitting next to. You guessed it. He who shall not be named was in the cluster of desks. It was official. And when I mentioned my inside information to the teacher she was quite relieved. As was I since I was starting to wonder what catastrophe she could have been processing during those past two weeks of poor behavior, or what lecture I gave her that sunk too deep in her heart. Thank goodness it's just those little kiddie hormones.

Another first this summer was that we have our first child that wants to ride the roller coasters - and every other ride at the parks - over and over. And over. By herself. Thank goodness, since nobody wants to see my husband or I hurl as we exit a ride for the 3rd time.

Most recently we had our first sleepover party. My daughter wanted to invite all her friends over for a pajama party and then asked if some of the could sleep over. After much discussion, we decided to just jump in with both feet and invited them all. 16 kids were invited. Thankfully only 8 could spend the night. So for the first time my husband took cover with our younger two at a friends house and my daughter and I had a good old fashioned sleepover party with the house to ourselves. We painted nails, made bracelets and pillows, hosted a pajama fashion show, sang karaoke, and then took in a double feature. The girls were great and I was incredibly proud of how well my daughter behaved herself the entire time. Even the next morning when they starting running amuck again. She was very generous the entire time, and was conscious of being fair to everyone at the party and not playing any favorites. She seemed to just be genuinely happy to have her posse over and exist in the midst of all that girly girl fun.

The firsts are only just beginning. For her and for us. I'm just glad we get to learn from it all before we do it again with our younger kids. It benefits them as well as us. So I'm thankful for my oldest being our host into the world of parenting.

This is my birthday wish for you this year, my hostess with the mostest.

May you always live independently and know that you are the keeper of your own happiness.

May you always love with an open heart and embrace all the joy that entails, while taking the aches in stride.

May you always enjoy a good roller coaster and the freedom of soaring through the air.

May you always cherish your girl friends, giving generously to their lives and appreciating all the happiness they bring you.

Happy 9th birthday my love.

Peek-a-boo!

Here I am. Over here. No. Here. Over this way. There you go. You found me.

Allow me to re-introduce myself. My name is Jessica. Still have 3 kids. And a wonderful husband. Everyone is still healthy. Life is moving on. Just sadly without the weekly (okay...semi-monthly) bits of wisdom being blogged into history.

My last post was in July, so let me catch you up.

August was an electrical storm in my life. Too much going on, swirling around our family of five, and it's no wonder to me that it set off the four month drought in my journaling. A tad bit of crazy. A dash of fun. Mix in a little mayhem.

Then September started and we've been able to fold in a little stability. I'm working more now so I have the kids doing some after-care. Read more about the working mom guilt later.

Seriously, I will write more about it. Later.

There is always later.

So for your reading pleasure, and for my nostalgia keeping purposes, here are some highlights from the past few months. They've been swirling around my mental blog so that I wouldn't forget them. Since that's really the whole point of this exercise. I don't want to forget all the little bits of fun that visit us every day, but that we never seem to remember when we are so exhausted at the end of the week...or month...or quarter. So here goes.

My son while riding a bus full of girl scouts ages 6 to 16, who are busting out songs as per the girl scout tradition: "When I grow up I want to sing just like dem. I want to be one of dem."

One of the girl scouts in my troop during my volunteer counselor stint, after her friend noted that I have pretty eyes: "Yeah. You do. You must have been really pretty when you were younger." Ah, thanks. That's so...sweet of you?

A 9 year old boy at the park who came up to us seemingly out of nowhere and inquired about my oldest daughter: "Does she come here a lot? Like every Tuesday? Do you guys live around here?" And then he just walked away after we gave him some confused looks. As was pointed out by my friend and completely missed by me, this would be my daughter's first experience of "do you come here often?". Thankfully this was completely missed by her as well. Still hanging on to the innocence.

My oldest on the first morning of school, after I suggested a hair clip for her that I thought was really cute: "I don't want to look cute mom, I want to look cool." My younger daughter's retort: "Do you want to look cool, or do you want to be cool?" Older daugther's response: "I already am cool." So much for the innocence.

My oldest - almost 9 year old - daughter commenting about the wonder of Santa Claus: "I can't believe how busy he is and how he can get presents all over the world." My younger - almost 6 year old - daughter's voice of reason: "Maybe that's because he's not real." My oldest: "Well I know that the ones at the mall aren't the real one. Everyone knows that little sister." My younger daughter: "Maybe there is no Santa big sister." Oldest: "Yes there is! I believe in him." I can't say enough how this depicts their personalities. My oldest is up in the clouds, forever creating and dreaming, and my younger daughter has her feet firmly planted on the ground with no funny stuff.

And by far some of my most favorite quotes lately have come from my son. He's been known to punctuate every day with frequent occurences of this scenario. Him: "Mom! Mooooommmy!?" Me after finding him: "Yes hon?" Him: "I love you" Me: " I love you too sweetie" Him: "I love you sooooo much!" and then he follows it up with a wet peck on the lips. Or occassionally we'll be walking somewhere and he'll just grab my hand and give it a kiss. No words. Just pure love.

He is definitely the lover in the group. He brings love into all of our lives and keeps it present.

So this year on Thanksgiving (that'd be today), I'm thankful for all those little moments in life. Because when we look at our lives as a whole I could say that not too much has happened in the past 4 months. And for that I'm also thankful.

Nothing dreaded. Nothing wounding. Just life.

Full of lots of fabulous little moments that I don't want to forget and for which I hope I am always grateful.

Is it September yet?

Ahhh, summer.

There are some things you can just count on out here in California. Blue skies. Shining sun. No rain whatsoever. Property taxes that make your bank account bleed.

One thing I've also been able to count on this summer is endless hours with my kids. Those sweet smiling faces and lively personalities that make me a mother. The giggles and laughter. Ah, the sweetness of it all.

And....end scene.

Cut to the tears, the seemingly non-stop tantrums, the unwillingness to separate from me. The constant cries for "moooooommmmmy!". The 3 meals a day that I make for four of us, half of which ends up in the kitchen sink. The constant tripping over toys and subsequent pleas to clean up. The endless requests for things that seem to leave my wallet constantly empty. The sense that I've somehow turned into a full-time maid, kitchen slave, and cruise ship director.

And when I say full-time, I mean more than just those piddly 40 hours a week that most people qualify as a job. I'm talking 12 to 14 hour days of non-stop children. And it goes without saying that even though my co-worker is around in the evenings during the week, and full-time on the weekends, I'm still at the damn office too. Doesn't this place ever close?

If only it were as beautiful as the giggles and laughter all the time. In reality, those are the shining moments that make me carry on through all the other crap.

It's just that I'm about done carrying on right now. Can't someone else take my kids for a while? Like, say, from around 8:30 in the morning until about 2 or 3 in the afternoon?

Oh yeah. It's called a school. And the cheapskates only operate 9 months a year.

Damn the schools.

Right about now I'm wishing I was one of those moms that signs her kids up for absolutely every activity. Every day. Every week. Every year since birth. And all through the summer shuttles them off to a different camp each week. Because I think it would make it much easier for my kids to be less dependent on me. Less tears at every good-bye. Less demanding me instead of daddy.

Less sucking the life out of me.

Ironically, the reason I haven't been a mom that signs her kids up for everything is because I want them to both experience some "down time" and how to keep themselves entertained, and also I want them to have the experience of a parent that's right there with them. Helping them learn. Guiding their decisions. Playing with them. Teaching them. Making sure they know they are loved and valued.

But I'm thinking that stuff can easily be done in, say, a few hours a day.

Max.

I really don't need all 12 for that kind of life guidance to hit home.

Don't get me wrong. I enjoy my kids. Tremendously. I love seeing through their eyes. Watching them wonder at the world and learn through things we take for granted. I adore all those precious face-to-face moments. And I'm a better woman for it all. No doubt.

I just think I've had enough wonder and amazement for this summer.

And to heck with sleeping in. It just makes we feel well rested while I rush through those mornings where I do actually have to be somewhere.

I need it to be fall.