Nine and change

This ode to my newly minted 9 year old is a slight bit overdue, considering her birthday was three weeks ago. But also considering that I didn't get any of these written last year, I'm doing pretty good for this year.

Turning nine this year proves that my middle child is quietly sneaking up on us. It's hard to be sandwiched in the middle, living in the shadow of an older sister and in the after-math of a whirlwind of a little brother. Given that so much parental attention needs to follow the oldest as we all explore unchartered territory (middle school...need I say more?) and also follows the youngest as we continue to work on discipline and respect (and responsibility...and following directions...and using words instead of actions...and...).

Luckily for our middle child, she is very different from her brother and sister, who are very alike to each other. Our younger daughter stands in her own light, which she casts into that shadow of her older sibling. And she has unbelievably strong roots so as not to get blown away in that whirlwind from her brother.

With what I like to call an "old soul", our daughter has the ability to connect with us in ways that her siblings do not. It's in the look in her beautiful blue-green eyes, it's in the curve of her smile, it's in her recognition and connection with us about the craziness that goes on around us all in a family of five.

She just "gets it"; she understands that we all have to wait our turn for certain things. And better yet she knows that making other people happy is sometimes as good as - or better - than making ourselves happy. This is something that a lot of kids don't learn until they are out of college...or ever.

And just when I'm worried about her not being silly enough and embracing her childhood, she'll take her silly putty and shape it into mustache and place it on her face, waiting to surprise the next person that looks at her.

Though she can still very often be reserved in her behaviors (much like her painfully shy days of preschool), she quietly moves forward in life. Without us even realizing it, she will master a new skill like skateboarding, or she will run for class representative in her 3rd grade class - and get elected.

In fact, she forgot to tell us about her classroom election for 3 days.  In one single day she decided to run, wrote and delivered a sensible - and a little bit silly - speech, and then won the election in her classroom. And then she just sort of let life go on as normal, remembering to tell us about it all several days later.

So here's to you my newly minted nine year old - my birthday wishes for the next year.

• May you always shine your own light and glow in the knowledge that you are special and unique and deserving of every bit of attention that flows your way.

• May you always have strong roots and and continue to build a foundation of love, respect and patience, both from others, and from and within yourself.

• May you never loose sight of the value of a little silly behavior, keeping you young at heart.

• May your quiet strength and confidence continue to grow and flourish through the years.

I love you sweet pea.

Marching On

I really need to get back into writing. I miss it so. The long list of things to do just keeps getting longer, and I really do think we all need to revisit those things that live at the bottom of our lists.

Those tend to be the things we should do the most. The more meaningful things that give us that shot in the arm that we need to start working our way down the list again, starting with the neediest items that we don't want to do but have to do. Those items that take up all our time so we never actually get to the bottom of the list.

Maybe I'll cut my long list into single items, put them in a bucket, and pick them out randomly. After I finish one I get to pick another. And then it's up to fate which ones get done every day.

I need to think about that some more. I think I might be on to something there.

I also need to think about my kids more. Which was the point of this blog when I started it.

It's time for a little catch up.

While things have changed around here, a lot has remained the same.

My oldest is still flittering about in the clouds most days, much like she has over the last several years. I admire her for it really. She has a beautiful mind that keeps growing and expanding and wrapping itself around life's most creative moments. In any given hour you will find her singing her way through her homework or the shower. Or through getting dressed or cleaning up. Or just about through anything these days. And she's now writing her own songs in a book. Perhaps you'll see it on MTV one day in the story of her musical life.

She's often found taking random items, which would otherwise be trash to me, and turning them into treasures. Boxes, bags, paper tubes, what have you. They become beds, homes or accessories for the little creatures in her life that are embodied by her stuffed animals. She's learning more about herself every day, and more about life too. She's really growing up into a beautiful young lady, inside and out.

And yet she still believes in Santa and the Easter Bunny. I hope that lasts a while longer, but I fear it won't.

Our younger daughter has changed the most over the past year or two. She's finally found her voice. She went from the quiet and shy girl that barely said "boo" to anyone, to the little spunky girl that now requests playdates and sleepovers and doesn't want to be picked up from after care.

Although the down side to this is the adjustment that we've all needed to make. She went from radio silence to a blaring bull horn that demands to be heard. Which, as you might imagine, can make for a rough transition for mom and dad. And teachers. I've always tried to "catch" my kids while being good. But I'm thinking maybe we didn't catch her often enough, being the one that was so quiet and sweet, and now she's going to make us catch her one way or the other.

It's not that bad. Just loud. And full of passion. She can be too quick to fly off the handle at all of us. But I think it's an expression of everything she's been holding in for so long. She never learned how to express herself in the right way. Now she's flooded with things to say and needs to learn how to process and sensor it all before it comes out. And that's a tough thing to learn. And to teach. But we're working on it.

In other areas she's still the same sweet girl she always has been. Loves to be outside. Chooses physical activity over screen time almost any day. Still so loving and caring to her little brother. And incredibly responsive to positive attention from her older sister. She craves that attention and we're working on getting more of it for her these days.

Now my youngest is probably the one that still rides the same waves. He's still a blur of activity and motion. Still can chatter away about the inane. Still loves to love. The spontaneous "I love you"s and hugs and kisses just melt me every time.

That boy's got my number. Quite frankly he's so damn adorable that he's got a lot of numbers these days. And I see a lot of that in his future too. Digits. Gonna get lots of digits.

It's fun to watch him learn and grow. He still loves to keep up with his big sisters. In fact he painted his own nails the other day.

And he just about refuses to go to sleep without his big sister in the room with him where she usually sleeps. Which will be more difficult to manage if we start getting her the sleepovers she's looking for these days.

As always, we are enjoying the laughs, we are annoyed by the annoyances, and we are relishing every loving moment we can get.

We continue to take deep breaths at the end of every day, because we know that no matter what time marches on. Sometimes with loud thunderous stomps, and sometimes with quiet little steps. But it's marching nonetheless.

On The Right Track

This summer has been all about flexibility. And adaptability. This summer more than any other time in recent months I have seen my kids change their minds and attitudes about so many things that I've lost track. But I'll try to recount.

For my oldest, the new attitude has been about summer camps. Until just yesterday, I had completely forgotten that she really didn't enjoy summer camp last year. Good thing I have this handy blog to remember how many kids I have, because I think I might forget that too in a few years.

I went to sign up my daughter for a couple of camp days at a gym place with her brother and sister and the woman that runs the place very nicely reminded me of her failed attempt at one day of camp last summer. Only one day and she couldn't complete it. I had to pick her up early. Oops. Totally blacked that out of my memory. Then I return home from said gym and my mom tells me about how my daughter just finished telling her that she "hated" all her summer camps last year. Hmmm. Forgot about that too.

Then it all comes flooding back to me. The struggle to say good-bye. The need to send her off to camp with some transitional object of mine. Her desire to just stay home.

Alas, this year we have seen a change of heart. I signed her up for a choir camp (to which she said "choir!?!" with a roll of her eyes when I told her it was an option for this summer). It's actually just regular old singing, plus some percussion lessons. She needs both if she wishes to pursue her career as a professional musician and singer, which is her latest aspiration. And she's really enjoying it. She even wanted to go extra early this morning so she could have more time to spend with the kids at camp.

What a change. And when I approached the subject of a couple of camp days at that gym with her brother and sister she vowed to me that this year she'd really like it.

Enough said. She's back on track.

Perhaps I didn't need to volunteer my time, and enroll my younger two kids, at the girl scout camp for two weeks at the end of July. I did so a few months ago when I met resistance about her going to the camp. So, figuring that it would just be the latest in sacrificing my sanity in the name of hers, I threw my name in the hat as a volunteer counselor.

Perhaps I was a bit too hasty with that decision. But more on that later.

Now for my younger daughter, we are finally getting her on the track - for the first time - with summer camps. She's really come out of her shell lately and amazed me with her new found confidence. She completed a week of basketball camp and by the end of the week, she was ready to sign up for another week. With or without her friend, and with our without the same team coach. Look at her just going with the flow! Who knew?

She's also gone to the athletic club kid care place a couple of times this week and never once had an issue saying good-bye or breaking down. She took it all in stride, even if she said she wasn't happy about it. And in the end she even said it "wasn't so bad".

Chalk up another huge step for the shy girl.

Now for my son's summer update. He's been a huge freak for this little gym place. He always loved to go when I had to go in the gym with him, but he was actually much more shy than most people would expect of him, given his endless energy. At various times throughout the hour he would insist on being with me to participate, and if we were asked to just watch our kids, he would usually choose to not do the activity and just stay by my side. When the spring class ended and I signed him up for the class that was for his age and required him to participate by himself, I was a bit nervous about how he'd do.

The first day of class came and he couldn't wait to go. I kept telling him that he would have to do the class all by himself like his big sister, and for the most part he seemed okay with it. But I've seen this before with my younger daughter, and I got burned by thinking all would be well.

For the summer schedule he has to watch his sister's class first, and then it is time for his class. Perhaps it was that hour of anticipation that helped him along, but when the time came for his class, he ran right in and never looked back. He did (almost) everything that the teacher asked of him, and came running out, flushed in the cheeks and proud of his accomplishments.

Now we can check that one off the list too. Not only that, but after hitting a slight bump in the road with our good-byes at the club at the end of spring (even with the "pocket treat" at the ready), we are back on track with those drop-offs too. Runs right in and doesn't look back. With the pocket treats too, of course.

This summer is really marking a time of growth for us. At long last, after eight years of parenting, we are finally seeing some signs that our kids are ready to explore the world with open minds and willing attitudes.

And, at long last, after eight years of parenting, I am welcoming the independence that is headed our way.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not ready to move my oldest into the dorm yet, but I'm starting to see down the tracks a little bit, and not just what's immediately in front of us. And I'm embracing it.

Better yet, we are beginning to feel the payoff for all the hand holding, tear drying (for them and for me) and endless comforting from their fears. Not to mention the countless sticker charts and bribery techniques that I have employed, and am still doing to this day.

Now I can sense what it will be like when we aren't holding hands any longer, but I am comforted by the fact that we will still be holding hearts.

And it goes without saying that I'll keep holding hands for as long as they let me.

What a Difference

What a difference a year makes.

Last year around this time I wrote a post about our younger daughter having a tough timegoing to her friend's birthday party. That party was at a jump house place and the second we walked in my daughter wanted to turn around and go home. Mostly because she's not crazy about big crowds or loud noises, and this place has both when you fill it with 20 little four year old kids and their parents.

Now flash forward to this year and this same friend has her party at the same place. Yes, the same place, much to her mother's chagrin. I told the mom that I'd do my best to talk it up and see if I could get my daughter to agree to go.

Apparently that worked because the week of the party she said she would give it a shot.

And then the day of the party came and she said she wouldn't give it a shot.

Nonetheless, since we were committed to it by that time, I said we were going. I made it clear that if she wasn't happy we always had the option to leave. Or to just wait it out for cake.

So we showed up and you'll never beleive what she said to me when we walked in to the place.

"I want to go home."

What?

You thought it was going to be that easy?

Not a chance.

In fact, it took much of my energy and creativity and positive thinking for about 20 minutes before we finally got to a place where she would go into a jumpy with me. And let me tell you that these days I don't have a lot of spare energy just sitting on a shelf ready to go when I want it. But for this occasion, it was worth it.

When I saw that there was no one in the jump house with the basketball hoop I almost had her in that one with me, until some girls came up and got in it right before us. So she renegged. And she LOVES basketball, so I knew it was going to take a little special effort on my part to make this happen.

Next I eyed the obstacle course and saw that at that moment no one was in it. So quick like a bunny I got her over there and in it before she could complain. I feined needing help, acting like a big goof ball that was stuck to the inflatable. I told her to hurry or else someone else would come. I tried a number of tricks but she wasn't budging much past the entry point.

Then I started acting like we were on a pirate ship and told her we had to climb up the hill before the sharks came. This made her laugh a little, but she still wasn't all in. Finally we got on top of the little hill and waited it out for a bit. From there we could sort of feel more like we were in charge. Or at least above all the chaos.

At that point we were caught on film actually enjoying ourselves. The shame of it all.

Before long a little boy came through that I recognized, who happened to be named Jack, so I started calling him Jack Sparrow in my best pirate's voice. Then he bought into our game and before long he was saying that the sharks were coming our way. This then turned into us running out the course and back around again chasing after him - or perhaps he was chasing us - and having a bit more fun than either of us had thought would happen.

Then it was time to enter the next room for more inflatable craziness. Although I think we entered a parallel world really, because at this point my daughter was up and running, exploring everything in the room.

We threw some balls, climbed a wall and went down a very steep slide many many times, and then ended up in the basketball inflatable. She was happy as a clam shooting hoops and jumping around. She would play with friends that came and joined us. And if too many came along I'd see her start to shut down a bit, so we'd move over to the other side where there was another hoop to play with.

All in all, a very successful outing. Things are definitely starting to look up for her.

Another remarkable difference recently was during our trip to Disneyland. Last time we were there, which was actually two years ago, the sound of all the fireworks made her cry and she really didn't enjoy the show, watching it the whole time with her ears covered by her hands which were then covered by my hands.

This year she was perfectly happy to take it all in.

It's worth saying again; what a difference a year makes.

High Five

We are on a birthday roll in the house and today is our younger daughter's birthday.

She turns five.

And I think my husband and I are breathing a sigh of relief.

She's the passionate one in the family, and she saves it all just for us. She's quiet out in the world, but when she comes home she lets it all out. And her quietness combined with her passion can make for a girl that likes to express herself with noise and motion, as opposed to words. If I only had a dollar for every time we've told her to "use your words". We'd be living on a beach somewhere and she'd be able to karate chop as many coconuts as her heart desires.

I'm really hoping that this past year as a four year old was the climax of a lot of her behaviors. I do see her settling down a bit as she heads into the next year. Turning five is actually a pretty big deal. She's no longer a toddler, and she becomes "school age". We've really seen some wonderful changes in her lately.

She's SO much easier to drop off at school now. No clinging or crying. Although there isn't quite a verbal "good-bye" yet either. But again, she's living up to her reputation as the quiet one. She'd rather just silently walk away into the rest of her day, which she's excited about in some ways, and nervous about in others. Hence her silence.

Her teacher has said how much she adores her because she is sweet, she listens and follows directions, and she's nice to everyone.

She's taken quite an interest in playing with her friends from school and is always asking me when she can have more play dates. As much as I try to make it happen, it's hard to juggle and she's proving yet again that she can be very patient.

Although, even with all the desire to play with friends, recently she told me that she wants to be left alone more often. She says she needs to be by herself sometimes.

I know exactly how she feels.

In fact, I know how she feels in many ways. She's our child in which I see the most of myself. It's in her looks for sure. One day the UPS guy came to our door and she and I answered it. As I was signing for the package he looked at her and said "you have beautiful eyes." Then I finished signing and looked up at him and he surprisingly said "oh, you have them too!"

But it's more than just eye deep. It's that feeling that you are watching a bit of yourself walk around on the earth. I don't think I can define it exactly. It's just something in her spirit that connects with me.

And it could be that she hates skirts and dresses and loves to play sports and run around with the boys. Because I did that very same thing until I was in about 6th grade. Then I still didn't wear skirts and dresses, but I did start dancing with the boys instead of running around with them. I have a feeling she'll be a bit of a late bloomer much like myself.

It's funny how each of your children can be your kids, and yet you can see them in such different lights. You connect with them in such different ways. And I'm glad she has this connection. Because my first is my first. There's no other child that can compare to that. She's the first one to take me through so many experiences as a mother. And my last child is my last. My little one that I want to stay little, and that I'll cuddle with longer than either of the other two, simply because I know it's the last of my cuddling. And he's my boy.

So I'm very thankful for this connection with my younger daughter. She's the middle child that I hope will never feel lost in the middle. She's my girl that I will always keep an eye out for, and that I will always have a sense of what she might be feeling. But I'll never assume I know it all, because she surprises me all the time.

In the spirit of giving her her own light to shine in, here are my wishes for my brand new five-year-old.

May you always love to make funny faces and sing silly songs.

May you always be able to entertain yourself for an hour with construction paper, scissors, and a roll of scotch tape.

May you always love the attention from your siblings and yet cherish your time alone.

May you always be so careful in choosing your friends, and may you be open to making new ones whenever you need someone with which to share a snack or a play date.

May you never forget that passion is what makes for an exciting life, no matter how it is expressed, so long as it's peaceful.

May you forever know exactly what you want in life, and may you find the means of attaining it while still being nice to everyone.

Happy Birthday sweet pea.

Life Moves Too Fast

In the words of the famous Ferris Bueller, life moves pretty fast. And if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it.

Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, when you have kids, you have a physical reminder of just how fast the time goes by. You watch them grow up, and as it's happening, you barely notice it. Then, before you can say ""do you have to make pee-pee on the potty?" your oldest child is off and running, riding her bike around the neighborhood looking for a friend to play with her and talking about the cute boys in her class.

These past couple of months have been a bit outstanding for my oldest. First, she got her ears pierced. A sweet, cute, slightly painful moment of her childhood that came and went. Now we are already past the swab-the-piercings-three-times-a-day stage and we are off to buy new earrings that she can wear.

Then she got her hair chopped off, cutting off ten inches to donate to Locks of Love. This haircut gave her a much more sophisticated look, even though I was sure it was that long hair that was making her look so much older this year.

Next up she completes 1st grade and is now an "incoming" 2nd grader. 2nd grade? Really? It just somehow sounds so much older than 1st grade. Of course it is, but that's beside the point. And the fact that some of her good friends that are one month older than her are starting the 3rd grade is just startling to me. Her birthday missed the cut-off by one day. One single day. And that means she has to stay at home one more year than those friends. When they are off to college and she is still under my wing for her senior year, I will be very thankful for that one single day. I'm not sure she will be though.

Now see what I've gone and done? I've already aged her to high school in a single paragraph. But that's really how it feels around here lately.

We recently decided that she will have her own room as well. We are going to put the younger two together in a room and give her the room she currently shares with her sister. And she'll even have a queen bed too. I think this is making her a little power hungry in the family, but so far she is handling it well. And she really needs her own space these days. My younger daughter and my son are pretty close in their sleep schedules, and also love playing and being with each other, so we figured, why not? We'll see how it all falls into place. Right now we are in the midst of trying to get our son to sleep in a big boy bed, step one of the plan. More on that another time....much more. Suffice it to say, me need sleep.

This week my oldest made fast friends with a 9 year old little girl that moved in next door. And she's always got some friends down the street - one direction or the other - that she wants to go out and play with. This is the first summer that she is stretching her wings a bit, although still within my stated boundaries. And while it's so freeing for me, as well as her, it's a little bittersweet.

Especially when it comes to the fact that she's still just a 7 year old at heart. And I mean that literally. She might think and act like a 10 year old most of the time, and even a 12 year old some of the time, but she's still emotionally just a 7 year old. And I've found that while she loves spending time out playing with her friends, or over at her friend's house all day, she comes home and is even more needy of my time. It quickly becomes physically obvious that she still needs a lot of my support and love and attention. She'll throw herself at me, wrapping her arms around my waist, squealing "mommy!!". And she's right there when her little sister tries to get in on the action, jockeying for my lap or my attention.

This was never more evident than this week when she went to a Little Gym camp day. Long story short, but you can drop in to their camps and do just one day, or a couple, or the whole week. So I had a certificate and figured I'd use it for one morning this week while she wasn't doing anything else. She had just spent the entire day before with her friends from school at a play date, so I hadn't seen her much in the past 24 hours. I dropped her at the gym and she's perfectly fine, interested to see how it's going to go. And even though she hasn't done a Little Gym class in a while, she's been there a ton while her sister does her class, so she's very familiar with the teachers and the space.

But an hour into it I get a call. "She's homesick and wants to go home." They put her on the phone and she's crying saying she wants to leave.

I'm so shocked by it all that I don't know what to make of it. I ask her if someone hurt her or said something to her. Because I'm sure that this child can't just simply be homesick. But indeed, that's all it is. You'd think after that last stint of camp earlier this summer, and the occasional tears that went along with it (although those were before she actually got there and started having fun with the other kids), I would have been more prepared for this. But she came out of that experience so well I'd just about forgotten it. And besides, this was just one single morning, and she understood the whole thing. But she said all the kids were "strangers" and she just wasn't having any fun and she missed me.

While her brain may have been telling her "sure - this will be fun", her heart was telling her that she just wasn't as happy at a camp full of "strangers" when she could have been in the nurturing company of her mother.

I know that she will continue to want to stretch her wings and fly far for the rest of this summer. And she'll fool me into thinking that she's capable of handling it all and she's ready for the freedom.

But she'll always be my little girl at heart. Both in her heart, and in mine.

Balancing Act

This past week has presented some new challenges for me. These challenges seem to be pulling me in different directions, so I am having to really work to maintain my balance in it all. I feel a bit like the guy we saw at the circus last week, that balances on all these rolling tubes stacked on each other. You just never know which way you'll get pulled, but you do you best to stay on your feet the whole time. Really, I think I just summed up motherhood right there.

This week for the first time ever, my oldest has voiced a strong desire not to be social. She's been at a local camp for a two week session. This is a camp hat she was at last summer and the one before, so she's familiar with it. And she's loved it every time. This year, four days into her 9-day camp, she exclaims she's done with it. Last Thursday they went on a field trip, and we all thought she was going someplace we go to a lot, but as it turns out, the event was sort of mislabeled and they went someplace different.

But where they went was not really the point. The point is more that my oldest daughter can go with the flow in almost any situation, so long as she understands all the parameters of said situation. In other words, she's a things-must-go-according-to-plan-or-I-must-be-forewarned-of-possible-detours-lest-a-meltdown-occur kind of gal.

So when this sort of detour arrived, she was not very happy. I don't know what happened at camp, but when she got home I got an earful. And a cupful of tears to go with it. Add to this unexpected surprise two little girls that seem to have taken on the role of camp bullies and you get one unhappy 7 year old. I guess these twin girls have been up to the usual elementary school mischief; calling people names, pushing them, cutting in line. Since when do we have 6 and 7 year old bullies, anyway? The drama is starting way to early these days.

After much talking I surmised that in a sense my daughter was homesick at day camp. It seems she'd much rather just hang out with me and her siblings at home, and occasionally roam the neighborhood for a playmate or two. When I proposed if she'd like camp better if one of her best friends was there in her group, she said she'd still not want to go if those "mean girls" were there.

Now don't get me started on how upset it makes me as a mother to see these girls stealing some of my child's carefree fun from her. Mama bear has her teeth bared and is ready to go tell those girls - and their mother - just where they can put that cut-in-line name-calling crap. Aarrrrgh.

But it's a waste of energy to do that, so I just day dream about it instead. And I tell my daughter - not in so few words - that we must make the best of it. The pep talks are working a little as she's having more fun this week, and she's been able to ignore the mean girls or steer clear of them so she can still have some fun. Although there were still tears showing up when it was time to go to camp yesterday. And whining today. This is just so unheard of for her.

But summer must go on.

Now on the flip side of this occasion is my younger daughter, who is now asking to spend more time out of the house. She got it in her head quite a few months ago that she wanted to try staying at her preschool all day, which includes a nap. I think a friend of hers was doing this from time to time, and most of the kids in her class are there for day care as well as preschool, so she's one of the few that leaves everyday at 12:30pm.

Well I finally decided to stop saying "someday" and we made it happen today. Right now she's at the school, seemingly refreshed from her nap, and playing for the afternoon with her friends. As she says, "it's like a play date at school". And that brings up another one of her requests; more play dates. And she wants more sleepovers too, like her big sister.

Seriously, who is this girl? I think I've gotten so used to her being so close and holding on so tight, that now that she's starting to let go I barely can get it through my head that she will really be okay if she does all these things. I don't think there will be any tears or "come pick me up right now" demands. She is telling me that she's ready and I'm starting to finally come around in believing her.

So here I am, letting one child go further down the path on her own, while the other that's been out frolicking all these years just wants to stay by my side.

As if I never noticed how totally different they are from each other. Here it is, right in my face.

Now I just need to remember how to balance in the middle to make it all work.

So Many Moments, So Little Typing

Where do I start? This past week had so many precious moments. And funny moments. And exhausting moments. And I wanted to remember them all so I could write about them later. Well not the exhausting ones because we all have enough complaining in our lives already. I know I do. But try as I might to capture all these moments in writing, they remained only written in my mind. So I'll try to sum up the good ones for you.

Last weekend we took my oldest to get her ears pierced. Yikes. Talk about an age marker. I can't believe she's old enough already. But we said we'd talk about it after her 7th birthday, and then we settled on her being 7 1/2. Which was officially last week. So off we went to the mall. And there were 2 girls ahead of her in line. The first one we saw was a very brave and stoic role model which I was pleased to see. Then it was time for the next girl to go. She was fine until the moment of truth on her first ear and she flinched just as the girl was doing the piercing. The job came out okay, but the girl started bawling and saying that it hurt and she didn't want the other one done. That poor mom had to calm her down and then talk her into sticking around for the other one, which she knew wasn't going to feel good. But thankfully she did it and survived. Then my daughter went up there and was very brave through it all. She ended up lucking out and having the second employee available to help when it was her turn, so she had both done at the same time. And she never shed a tear. Now she LOVES having her little pink crystal flowers in her ears. It goes great with her new haircut, which is about 10 inches shorter (and now Locks of Love is the recipient of all her patience over the past year).

Then last week was the end of the school year, which somehow gets translated into hurry-hurry-hurry-have-lots-of-events-and-meetings-and-too-much-fun-before-the-world-implodes. The first event that fell under this category was the recap and brainstorm meeting for the PTA Board. Did I mention that I got shanghaied into being an officer on the PTA next year? Okay, shanghaied might be a strong word. Let's put that under the category of It's An Honor To Be Asked To Serve My Country School, and subcategorize it under I Can't Say No. Anyway, back to the meeting. The only reason I highlight this event is because I had one of those "yes, that's my kid" moments. So here was this group of lovely ladies that were sitting around a family room in a lovely home, and I there I was with my two youngest rugrats. I brought them along (with fair warning to the group) and figured I'd put them in front of a show and they'd stay happy for a bit. Which worked for a while, but then my youngest got restless and decided to go up to the sliding glass door to watch the dog in the back yard. A little time passed and I was just thankful they were still quiet and staying out of the middle of the room and conversation. Then one of these sweet ladies gets my attention and points to her open mouth, and then points to my son, who is behind me. I turn around to see my son licking the sliding glass door and sharing a french kiss through the glass with a golden retriever. And he was leaving more drool on the window than the dog.

Yup. He's with me.

Another great moment from last week was on Thursday night. My younger daughter had a gymnastics "show". This is sort of a recital that they do every 6 months and invite us all in to watch from inside the gym so that we can feel like our kids are really getting something out of all the money we sink into the place. This being her 3rd or 4th show, and her being the rather shy one in the group (although she will always participate and perform, which we love) we weren't expecting anything too new. But low and behold, when it was her turn to run in and jump on the vault up to the platform and stand up on that platform all by herself to introduce herself to the crowd, she did just that. Did you get that? SHE DID JUST THAT. She introduced herself to the room. In a clear and somewhat loud voice. With eye contact no less.

Whaaaatt?! Who's child was this anyway? My husband and I could have been blown over by a feather. She's never done that before, and it was a HUGE step toward her blooming social side. One of the teachers, that she has had for the past 2 years, came up to me afterward and expressed her pleasant shock with it all. She couldn't believe it either. When I asked if she ever talked in class, she said that her public introduction was just about the most she's heard her say, ever.

One other moment from that night deserves a shout out. My daughter and her crowd pleasing introduction was not the first one to make an entrance for the class performance. The first boy that came in did so in the same fashion, running and jumping up to his shining moment on the stand. And just after his jump onto the platform, we all heard "ooooh....I try it!" and then we saw the streak of my son running past us all, crossing the entire floor exercise mat to reach the platform, then hurling himself at this kid's ankles up on the stand before my husband could retrieve him.

Yup, that's my kid.

So many moments in such a busy week. I wish I had time to capture them all with the details they deserve. But suffice it to say, just because this blog goes quiet for a few too many days, it does not, in any way, mirror what is happening in the daily life of this mom.

Signs of Things to Come

I think we've entered into a new chapter in our family this week.  It's all about the boy-girl thing.  Or boys trying to impress girls at least.  Okay, let me explain.

I have to start by saying that one of the best parts of living in a planned community with about 5 feet in between your house and your neighbor, and what feels like only 20 square feet of backyard, is that you are sort of forced into the neighborhood for your outdoor play.  This means that when we are outside, so are all of the kids in our immediate area.  The kids of the month right now are a few 11 and 12 year old boys that live on either side of us, and a couple of 2 year old boys down the street as well.  This story really pertains more to the older boys.   But for the record, there are also a few girls ages 6 to 12 right around the corner, it's just that the boys tend to circulate around our street due to the proximity to their houses.  

Now let me say that these boys are absolutely adorable and very sweet with my little kids.  And lately they've been great at keeping all of my children entertained, especially my oldest.  They ride their scooters and bikes around with them and in general they all have a lot of fun.

The interesting part started when one of the boys came over on his electric motor bike.  This is something that looks like a small version of a motor bike, but makes no noise when it runs since it's an electric motor that runs on battery.  Pretty cool.  So cool in fact that my husband took a spin on it the other day and was quite amused by it all.

While they were all riding around, my husband included, the boy that owns it offered to give my oldest daughter a ride on the back.  She agreed, then hopped on, and off they went down the street (with helmet of course).  

That's where it all began.  The sight of her on the back of that bike, holding on tight to that little boy, was sort of a life changing event for us.  It was like we were watching our daughter take off on the back of a motorcycle after her boyfriend picked her up to go out on a Saturday night.  

It's definitely bittersweet to watch your kids grow up.  You rejoice in their new endeavors and adventures, but you realize that even if it's not right this moment, at some point they will be letting go of you and grabbing on to their future.  Hopefully they will do this one hand at a time, or even one finger at a time, but nonetheless, they will be letting go one day.

Thankfully for right now she's still holding on tight to us.  But that vision made us see the future a little more clearly.  And with a little more fright too.  Of course it didn't hurt that she had a tattoo on her arm at the time which was a star with wings on it, just like you might see on a biker babe's arm.  So there she was, helmet strapped on, all inked up, riding on the back of this guy's bike.  Are you with me now?

As an aside, later on that afternoon my husband says that she pretty much went "toe-to-toe" with a couple of these boys during a discussion.  She was apparently determined that her point of view was correct, and she wasn't going to back down to them.  And if you know my oldest child at all, this probably doesn't surprise you.  She may be only 7 years old, but she thinks much like a 10 or 12 year old, often surprisingly so.  Perhaps this is filling in the picture a bit more for you now.

So after the bike fun was over it was back to scootering and sidewalk chalk as usual.  Then a few days later, the same offer was made, and she was back on that bike with this sweet young man (little boy, really, but you can't help but think of him as a  young man because he's so nice and well-mannered).  Again, the ride was over and she was back to her usual 7-year-old play.

A few days later, one of the other boys came over knocking on the door after school.  He had a new electric scooter and he was looking for someone to share the excitement with, so he thought he'd see if my oldest was around.  But she was at a friend's house, so I had to send him packing.  While he's walking away he says "don't tell her, okay?" meaning that he doesn't want me to tell my daughter that he stopped by.  Hmmmm.

The next day when we were outside playing, here he comes on his new electric scooter.  He shows us all his new toy, and after a little bit he asks if my oldest daughter wants to ride on the back of it with him.  While this boy is nice, and the scooter seems fun, it's just not the same as a motor bike, and my daughter declines.  He then asks a couple more times, and ends with a "are you sure?" and I can hear that he's a little disappointed.

Uh oh.  They might only be 12 years old boys, but they are in tune with the competition that life offers, and it seems that there is a very subtle bit of it riding in the wake of all these electric motors.  And I think my daughter has unknowingly crushed a smidgeon of it.

So here we are.  The door to the next phase of life has cracked open and given us a glimpse of things to come.  The boys calling at the door.  The rides off into the sunset. The disappointment of rejection.  

Thankfully I think that door only opened a tiny bit, and it is now closed again.  But it's bound to re-open sometime soon.

A little too soon I'm afraid.

Birthday Boy

Today is our son's 2nd birthday.  And while he may be our third child, he is not to be overlooked or forgotten in the crowd.

I can safely say that he's the first one to take us through many experiences.  Which speaks volumes considering we've been at this parenting thing for 7 and a half years.  Of course, some of these things are based on the fact that he's a boy.  Like he's the first one of my kids to obsess over Thomas the Train.  And he's the first one that can get a sunburned belly (my girls aren't into the bikinis yet).  And he's the first one to get a buzz hair cut.  That one may be a bit obvious, but it's a change of pace in my life, that's for sure.  I'm used to going to the kids hair salon once every 3 or 4 months.  Looks like daddy will be brushing up on his 3 blade skills.

My son is also the first one at this age to thank me profusely, or anyone for that matter, whenever they do something for him.  He says "tay koo mommy" after I get him a drink or snack, or after I open a door for him or put his shoes on him.  He even says it when I put him down for a nap.  I'm really hoping this is a sign of the gentleman he's to become.

He's also the first one of our kids to become an escape artist.  A couple weeks ago he was happily playing in the tub and my husband was in the next room on the computer.  So I took a quick jaunt downstairs to change over some laundry, figuring my husband would keep an ear out for the little guy for a few seconds, and thinking that he'll just play in the water for a minute, singing his usual tunes.  After not even 10 or 20 seconds, I hear "Mooooommmmy.....mooooooommmmy..." and it's getting louder each time.  Next thing I know it's very close by.  So I turn around and peak at the top of the stairs and there he is, in all his naked glory, dripping wet on the carpet.  Huh.  I didn't see that one coming.

Nor did I see the quick escapes from the crib coming either.  Neither of our girls ever got out of their cribs.  Ever.  Did I mention that they never did that?  Ah, the good ol' days.

Anyway, this all started about a week or so ago - right after the bathtub escape now that I think about it.  He woke up with his "I'm scared" scream, which got louder and more insistent over the course of a minute or two.  Since he's a kid that almost never gets up during the night we took our bets that he'd go back to sleep in a minute.  Not so.  His cries got louder, were followed by a loud thump, and then the got even louder as he tore past our bedroom, calling out for me, and started his rapid sliding descent down the stairs on his belly, screaming the whole way.  My husband leapt down the stairs after him and eventually we got him calmed down (but we had to deal with the side effect that he woke up his older sister).  After one more quick escape, that was another loud thump followed by the "I hurt myself" cry, he was back in his crib.  The next time he stood up to get out, I was at the door and told him to stay in bed.  Two more of those and we were done for the night.  Although he did get out of the crib that next morning when he woke up.  But for a week or so after that, nothing.  No escapes at all.  Until last night.

Last night he got out of his crib to find his favorite sleeping buddy at bedtime.  Daddy quickly resolved that situation, but then we had two "I'm scared" screams at different times during the middle of the night.  Both of those were followed by very loud screams down the hallway as he came to find us.  Then he helped himself out of the crib this morning.  And tonight, at bedtime, I had to do the "go back to bed" routine with him 4 times, and then stood at the door and did it another 3 times before he actually got out.  Then the last time, I was a little later, so I opened up the door a bit wider just in time to see his escape.  He's quite agile.  He climbs over the top while holding his doggy (the aforementioned favorite sleeping buddy) in one hand.  Which means that he throws himself over and is hanging on by one hand while dangling a good 10 inches above the ground, doggy secured safe and sound under the crook of his other arm, and then drops to the floor to make his escape.

Ah, my sweet boy.  How you challenge us so.  But with every new discovery, you make us stronger.  

So this year here are my birthday wishes for you.

May you always have good manners and earn the mutual love and appreciation of the women in your life.

May you always love the simple things in life, like a speeding train, a full moon, and a funny face.

May you always move with such speed and agility, and always go after what you truly desire.

May you always know that my arms are forever open, waiting to give you comfort in your times of need.

Happy Birthday my little love.

A Little Time Will Tell

If there's one thing I've learned as a mother, it's that time heals.  A little time can really do you wonders.  Plus some patience doesn't hurt either.

After my last post, my husband and I talked about what else we could do to help our middle child along in the areas where she is driving us crazy still developing.  She really struck a chord with us, as I guess I did with some of you in writing that post.  But, as a few of you commented, what we figured out we really needed was more time and patience.

Patience is hard to come by these days.  Three kids.  Two schools. Five different activities every week.  Homework every day.  Do the math.  It just doesn't add up to more patience.

Nonetheless, we decided that when she gets stubborn, as she often does, we won't fight her so much.  We'll let her run her course and not try to bully her into behaving.  We aren't really bullying her, but sometimes that's what it feels like when we are trying to be more disciplined and she's just pulling so hard in the other direction.  We were trying to use our brute force in retaliation, foolishly thinking that we could win because we are bigger and smarter.

Not so.

If a mule doesn't want to move, it ain't moving.  And there are no fancy words or big muscles that will make it happen.

So the good news is that, for the most part, this tactic seems to be working.  Later that day, after I wrote my last post, we just sat by silently as she threw a bit of a tantrum at the dinner table.  After a very short period, she sat up and just finished eating her dinner, as we were trying to get her to do.  

And it worked again later in the week.  So my hope is that we can continue down this path.  Because as my husband and I discussed, we don't want her to feel like her stubbornness is the way to get our attention.  She's already been pigeon-holed into being the "shy one", so we really want to get through this phase with a bit more finesse. 

So far, so good.  And we have also been giving her more empathy for her anger, and new words to talk about it.  "The mean monster" is what she now sees as the anger that comes out and takes over at times.  And if I can catch her early on when the monster is just starting to rear it's head, then often times I can patiently walk her through it to the other side without too much of an episode.  

It turns out that this child does require us to be more present.  Her river runs deep.  She can't use the same words as us to understand the concepts, but she gets it.  And if we get on her side - I mean really get on her side and go to her depths, and not try to bring her over to our side - then she's right there with you the whole way.

It's funny, because in doing this, I realized we did almost the same thing for my older daughter many years ago.  Probably when she was a bit younger, and when we had more empathy and patience in reserve, but nonetheless, we did it.  And I'm sure that I would have forgotten about it if I didn't go through these exercises all over again.  Because, as I said before, time heals.  Those battles were so long ago that we aren't even showing any scars anymore.  And yet all the memories came flooding back over this past week.  Which made me see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  Because my oldest doesn't wage those battles anymore.

She knows we'll lock her in her room until she's 18 if she doesn't listen to us better.

As for the younger one's shyness, we are working our way through that too.  Today, on the way home from preschool, she said to me "mom, everyone wanted to be my friend today."  My heart just smiled and I said "well that's probably because you are so nice and sweet and your friends know that playing with you will be lots of fun."

She got a big smile on her face and proudly said "Yup.  So I played with everyone today."

Time heals, indeed.

Where has the time gone?

Anyone have an answer to this one?

I certainly can apply this question to my blog.  Generally I like to write one a week minimum, but since starting up a new business I have had less time on my hands.  That 15 minutes a day that I used to have just seems to fly by now.

I can also apply this question to my life.  Where has all the time gone?  One minute I'm a kid in grade school playing tetherball everyday at recess (whatever happened to that "sport" anyway?), the next minute I'm at high school prom, and the next I'm at my high school 20th year reunion.

Today I took my oldest daughter on a Brownie troop field trip to the bowling alley.  I kept thinking that she might not like it since the last time we were there she just couldn't deal with the heavy ball and long waits in between turns.

Then I realized, as I'm watching her have so much fun with her friends chucking 6 pound balls down a lane, listening to all the huge "thud!" sounds, that the last time we were there was about 3 and a half years ago.

I kept going over and over it again thinking that I must be remembering wrong.  But I wasn't.  It really had been over 3 years.  And it honestly seemed like only six months.  A year max.  Until I watched my daughter and saw how much older she is now.  So independent and carefree.  Nary a tantrum in sight these days.  Sometimes time works in our favor like that.

Then we came home and went door to door delivering Girl Scout cookies that she sold to the neighbors.  I honestly couldn't believe that this was me.  This was my child selling and delivering the cookies and not me.  I so clearly remember those days, with the same form that they still have today, all filled out, counting up how many I sold to see if I earned my patch.  And now I get to watch my daughter do it all with the same excitement.

I keep thinking to myself, do I really have a 7 year old kid?

In the midst of all this girl scout goody-goody fun today, I also delivered softball uniforms to the girls on her team.  My husband is the coach, but it seems I'm the one closest to all the kids and parents.  So I gladly took on the task and brought a couple to the classroom when I showed up to volunteer, and another to the troop field trip.  No big deal really.  

Other than the fact that I had to stop tonight and look around my house and realize that this is indeed my life now.  Delivering girl scout cookies and going on field trips, getting ready for softball opening day and team pictures.  Not to mention sleepovers and hip hop dance class.

It feels like a new era.  And I have to say, it makes me feel a bit old.  Not in a bad way though.  More like in a I-can't-believe-sometimes-I-don't-realize-what-I-have-accomplished sort of way.

And in tow I still have my two little ones.  I think they keep me young.  They keep me in yesteryear.

I look at my younger daughter almost every night now when we are getting ready for her bedtime, and I size up her little arms and legs.  I keep a close eye on them as if I can see if they have grown overnight.

And I give my son more kisses in a day that I can possibly count.  I especially love the spot on the side of his neck just above the collar bone.  It's just delicious.  And it's going to be off limits one day soon, replaced by a "mo-mmy!" and then replaced by a whiny "ma-ahm" when I try to squeeze in a kiss good-bye in front of his friends.

Because now I know from experience that before you realize it those little limbs stretch out longer, those little teeth fall out one by one, and those little brains soak up more than you think can possibly fit in them.  

Before you know it they are 7 years old.  And one day soon after that they are 27.  And you really won't ever be ready.  

But hopefully you can at least say you got in plenty of kisses and long gazes, and watched as many softball games and went on as many field trips as you possibly could while you had the chance.

Be Mine?

This year for Valentine's Day I got my oldest daughter some Hannah Montana cards to pass out to the kids in her class.  When she sat down to sign them she said she wanted to give them to everyone except one boy in her class, Connor.  

Now Connor always seemed like a sweet kid to me, so I was a little disheartened.  Had he been teasing her?  Was he not nice?  

Upon inquiring about these things my daughter just simply replied "no".  She just didn't want to include him and she wasn't prepared to give me a reason.

Then she comes home from school one day last week with some valentines that she made in class.  I am cleaning out her folder and getting her homework out for her and I see a little one with my name on it.  Then I see a bigger nice looking one and think that it must be for my husband.  

I open it up and read:

To Connor

Roses are red,

violits are blue,

suger is sweet,

but not as sweet as you!

love

your addmire

Uh oh. Move over daddy, there's a new boy in her life.

When I ask her very nicely and quietly about the card, telling her that I really like it and I think Connor will too, she takes it and erases his name, telling me she's giving it to another friend.

Then she points out the valentine she made for daddy that is stuck to mine.  Phew. At least he's not fully forgotten.  

The card then goes back in her folder and into the back pack and I never see it again.  I'm at the party in her classroom and I ask her if she's going to give it to him. She says no, and once again says she's giving it to someone else.  I press her a couple more times about Connor, but she's not giving up the goods.

Whatever.  A girl's got a right to change her mind.  So I let it go.

My daughter then left school and went home to the sitter via carpool.  I got home about 35 minutes after her.  In that short time, she managed to show her valentines to the sitter AND profess that one of them came from her "boyfriend" and points out the card to my sitter.

I hear this and of course I make my sitter show me which card it was.  Yup. It was Connor's.

Looks like mommy is on the outs this time.  She's confessing her love to the babysitter, but won't tell me about it?!

She's only seven years old.  What's next? 

I better be on the list to talk to about some of these things.  Or is it just in our DNA to hide things from our mothers?

Maybe we'll have to handle things 'the daddy way'.   Upon hearing this whole story he simply said "we'll just take care of that right now - tell that boy to come over to the house and we'll have a chat."

The Good, The Bad, and The Crazy

THE GOOD:

My younger daughter seems to be progressing even more in overcoming her shyness. At school drop-offs she is actually going off to find a friend to play with instead of needing teacher interference. She still doesn't give an official "good-bye" when she wanders away, but I'll take her content enough to separate without crying or whining anyday.

She is also now fully participating in her gymnastics class. She has been going to the same place for 2 years now, and to date she had never really actively joined in the warm up time. Since this part of the class begins with circle time and talking, you can see why it never appealed to her. And even when they would get up and run around, she'd just sit and watch all by herself until it was time to start the gymnastics portion of the class. Then she was full tilt, showing her athleticism with pride. But as of the last two sessions, she is now rocking and rolling from the get-go, participating in circle time and warm up activities.

Then, just to prove that miracles really do happen, she started playing with a little girl she had never met before. This is absolutely unheard of in her four year old life to date. We were at her big sister's gymnastics class and this other little sister was lurking around, looking for a playmate to pass the time. While my daughter did not step right up and introduce herself (I had to do that part for her) she did participate as soon as this other outgoing little girl initiated some play time. I sat there and watched in amazement as the two of them played, giggled, and even talked with each other.

THE BAD:

This same daughter of mine had a bad spell with nighttime potty accidents during the holidays. After four nights in a row (you'd think we might have learned our lesson after two or three) we went back to taking her to the bathroom after she's gone to sleep, around 10pm. My theory was that she was just so tired from all the family in town and craziness of the holidays that she was sleeping deep enough not to wake up when the urge struck. We thought we had the problem kicked and stopped taking her at night about a week ago. Then she fell off the wagon again last night. To share the blame, we did not remember to take her to the bathroom when she went to bed, so that could have helped. And we should have because she had a lot to drink with dinner. Nonetheless, it made for another tiring episode sheet changing and pajama swapping during the night.

The kicker is she wasn't the one to wake me up in the first place. The other bad going on in our family right now is that my other two kids are sick. They have horrible coughs and my oldest has had a fever (just once a day) every day for the past several days. Her coughing was making such a hacking sound that I got up to check on her last night, and before I could reach her I ran into my little wet one.

Then I spent the next hour and a half thinking all kinds of thoughts instead of sleeping. Like, should I take them to the doctor? What will the doctor say? Is our doctor back from her leave yet? Wasn't I supposed to take the girls for their wellness checks soon? Why haven't they called me for a reminder appointment? I can't forget to call and tell the school that she is staying home again tomorrow. And call our carpool friend too. Why did (the other) she have another accident? Has she not been sleeping enough? Why has she been sooooooo whiny lately?

You can see how much fun that was. Almost as much fun as listening to my younger daughter re-exercise her inner whiny self lately. I thought we kicked that habit too, but it is rearing it's ugly head again. Whine, whine, whine. Cry, cry, cry. Fuss, fuss, fuss. That's how her day goes. Throw in a good jab or two at her sister, some wrestling with her brother, and a few bumps and bruises and you've about covered it.

Which brings me to the last topic.

THE CRAZY

That'd be me. Home for two days on my own with my kids, barely even seeing the beautiful sunshine we are having these days, let alone feeling it. Listening to the baby cry (he now has fevers) and my other two whine. With the occasional bout of calm throughout the house, since the one side benefit is that my son naps a lot when he's sick. And our unwritten rule is that if anyone stays home from school they get to watch about as much television as they can stand.

So now it's my turn.

Whine, whine, whine. Cry, cry, cry. Tears dropping right into my wine glass.

Girl Talk

Last night after dinner my daughters both decided it was time for one of their specialties. Chatting.

My older daughter had a cell phone that used to be my husband's. It's no longer charged or connected, so a long time ago it went into the toy box and has been one of the so very many little phones that we have around the house.

As it happens, my younger daughter was at that time playing with her new princess cell phone. Since my oldest wanted that pink phone, she asked to trade. When she was met with a curt "no" from her younger sister, she upped the ante.

"This one has like 8900 movies on it! Don't you want it?!" she said with excitement, holding up the old silver phone with no flashing lights or noises. And yes, she really said eight thousand nine hundred.

First off, I have to marvel at the fact that our kids these days are playing with toy cell phones. Back in our day I'm pretty sure we played with pretend rotary phones, and we were damn excited about them. And if they made sounds or had lights that was a serious upgrade, a phone with which to be reckoned. I mean they weren't even cordless for crying out loud.

Fast forward to today. Nowadays our phones are so savvy that they even play movies. And that's just a normal thing in the world of today's children. Movie-playing, music-rocking, weather-checking, text-sending, google-ready, multi-colored cell phones.

Where is this world headed in our lifetime? How about in theirs?

Okay, back to the story. So my oldest apparently made an offer that couldn't be refused and her younger sister snapped that old boring cell phone out of her hands and gave up the pretty pink phone in exchange.

Then each of them proceeded to chat on their phones for a while. My younger one had a mostly mish-mash conversation with lots of correct phrases in incorrect places. And a few incorrect phrases too. But she looked so cute chattering away on the phone and rolling her eyes around, it didn't really matter.

My older daughter had a conversation with her imaginary friend in which she was so excited because her friend was at graduate school and she was telling her all about it. She's chatting along and then suddenly she says "Hold on a second, I have a call on the other line."

Then she clicks a button and answers the other "call". After a couple of "uh-huh"s and "really?"s she clicks back over to her friend and exclaims that she is going to go to graduate school too, and she starts squealing for joy.

Thatta girl; gotta love the imaginary play that revolves around higher education.

I just watched in amazement as all this panned out. And I thought about how this scene, of the two of them chatting away on their cell phones, was exactly what I was going to be seeing in 8 or 9 years, but with actual people on the other end of the line. And actual cell phones that are going to cost us some moolah.

Of course we are already getting a taste of this girl talk in our house. My almost 7 year old's friends have started calling up the house from time to time to say hi, or to ask for a playdate or a sleepover. Never mind that it's usually completely the wrong time for their requests, as in right before dinner time or bed time.

A lot of the time their parents aren't even aware that they are calling my child. And these kids, including my own, aren't very well versed in conversation etiquette either. There's a lot of long pauses and unanswered questions. I know this because my daughter likes to talk on the speaker phone. It drives me a little crazy sometimes and I have to move the conversation along or make sure that my daughter is at least being polite and paying attention to the person on the other end of the phone.

It's actually gotten to the point in our house that my daughter now jumps for the phone when it rings. She really jumps.

Seriously? Are we here already?

She only answers it when she sees that it's someone she knows, usually my husband or one of a couple of friends that call. But I'm not liking it when I go for the phone and realize she is on the other end, not saying anything, just listening in as I chat with her friends' parents.

Since when do I have to fight for the phone around here?

Since when is everything all about her?

Call me later and we can chat about it.

But be prepared to be screened by a precocious 6 year old that may or may not actually say "hello" when she answers the phone.

That Kid

I’ve come to realize that my son is that kid.

You know the one. The kind that doesn’t listen to their mothers. That don’t take “no” for an answer. Or like to eat paste and stick things up their noses. Or the ones that like to run into the street with no sense of common fear. Or scream for everything they want.

Yes, I think we all know them well. Whether they are yours (let’s pray together), or the ones you see in the grocery store, or at school, or even at your friend’s house.

Now I get to see one up close and personal. Every day. Because he lives in my house. And he likes to think he’s my son, although I’m not seeing a lot of genetically driven personality similarities.

My girls always had a healthy sense of fear when it came to times where it was appropriate. And they never tried to eat non-edible substances, other than the usual toys and random objects. And they certainly always seemed to know who was in charge around here.

Not so much with my son. In his world he lives large and in charge.

I do everything I can think of so as not to encourage unwanted behaviors. And I have a lot of ideas since I’ve been thinking them for so many years as I watch other parents struggle with those kids.

The lesson here is do not scoff at others lest ye be done reproducing be scoffed at. My most humble apologies go out to all those mothers and fathers that have been in this seat and at whom I have scoffed, smugly thinking all along “my girls don’t do that”.

Now I see the other side. And it’s not pretty.

No matter how many times I tell him “NO!” when he goes running for the street, he still goes full force. So much so that he usually falls down in the street on all fours before I can catch him. He’ll do it over and over again. It wears me out. So I just end up putting him in the back yard, which is closed in. Avoidance is all I have the energy for at this point.

He also fights the changing table. I try to be patient and have fun with him so he’ll lie down and give in. But sometimes I just don’t have it in me, so he gets the left elbow pin-down and I just work as fast as I can, which can be quite tricky when dealing with dirty diapers. Thank goodness I have extra changing pad covers.

He’s become quite physical with other kids his age too. He likes to bear hug kids and tumble over with them, lying on top of them for a good snuggle. But the other kids don’t seem to think of it in those terms for some reason.

Then there’s the oral fixations. He loves to grab the body wash or shampoo containers from the bath tub and suck on the tops of them. If they aren’t open he’ll use his teeth to open them first, then start sucking out the soap or shampoo. Same thing goes for any toothpaste that he can get his hands on. Yummy in his tummy.

He also enjoys the fine delicacy of moisturizing cream. It’s an open container, not the kinds that squirts out, so he usually tries to plunge his whole hand in while I have the top off. His persistence always pays off and he’ll get a bunch on his fingers, which he then proceeds to lick off. And occasionally spit out. I’m teaching him to rub it on his arms and legs, which is working, but he usually likes to taste-test it first.

And there is also this thing he has for string and hair. For some reason he loves to put little strings in his mouth. You know the kind that you’ll find on the floor that fell off some garment you were wearing? Those are the ones he likes best; nice and little so they fit right in. Or any type of confetti or tinsel will do as well. I had no idea how much of that crap we have around the house, and apparently he knows where it all is. He doesn’t ingest any of these things. It’s just his attempt at some rare form of unpatented chewing gum. He chomps away on them and eventually spits them out or gives them to me, all covered in slobber.

Lately he’s showing a preference for hair. Yes, hair. Human hair. The type that he pulls off his sister’s head by the handful, just so he can try to put some in his mouth.

Enough said.

But there is hope. He’s getting much better in other areas.

As I’ve mentioned before he has been quite a screamer. But now, in the mornings, he just babbles to himself in his crib until we come in to get him. Of course we don’t let it go for more than 10 or 15 minutes just in case it escalates. No sense in rocking the boat now that we’ve finally got it docked.

And he’s much better at breakfast time too. He’ll more readily eat in his chair or go play when he’s done. Almost no screaming involved whatsoever.

He now has more words, which he will use most of the time, even if at an elevated noise level or pitch.

Plus he still has his whole snuggly thing working in his favor as well.

Luckily for us all, his constant giveaway of hugs and kisses and his increasingly amazing intellect shed light on the boy living on the other side of the tunnel.

Which is a good thing. We need a little light around here.

Because sometimes this tunnel feels reeeeeaaaaalllly long.

God Bless The Curbside Pick-Up

As I briefly alluded to in my last post, I have been introduced to some serious parking pandemonium at my oldest daughter’s school.

Here’s the lowdown.

She’s in first grade at our public school in our neighborhood, but it’s our first year there because they re-routed all the Kindergarteners to the next closest school due to overcrowding. So last year we were at a school that was farther away, but it had ample parking.

And while I’m speaking of Kindergarten, there is another key difference between last year and this year.

When class is over in Kindergarten, the teachers open their doors and no one comes out. The teacher stands at the door and looks for the parents that are waiting outside the room. Then she calls out the names of the kids who have someone there to pick them up. Each child is then let out of the room by the teacher as they are handed off to the responsible adult in waiting.

Essentially, she is the gatekeeper and we are the keymasters, and the secret password best be known or you will give up the rights to your first born.

This year it’s a bit less personalized. In short, the bell rings, the doors open, and children flood out.

Simple enough I suppose. I really don’t have a problem with it. Although I definitely don’t speak for all parents on this one.

And imagine what this is like for the kids. They are released into the open and expected to find someone in the masses that is looking for them, that may or may not be there when the door opens.
It’s a little overwhelming, even for the more responsible kids, such as my daughter. So what happens in these first few days and weeks is that the parents hover outside looking for their needle in the haystack, and the kids tend to linger in the rooms, as if they are waiting for someone to call their name. Like two strangers at a dance, neither one of them is sure they should make the first move. Then many of the parents try to give the secret password to their child's teacher, which is amusing to watch since the teachers don't even know which student they are trying to pick up. They just smile and not a lot during this process.

Now enter in an incredibly inadequate parking lot with only one outlet and a drop-off and pick-up section that feels a bit too much like SFO (“the white zone is for loading and unloading only”), and you have a veritable nightmare leading up to that crucial moment when the dogs are unleashed, running about sniffing for familiar blood.

Not to mention that I am also dragging my two other kids into this chaos every time.

In short, our first three days of school were highlighted by parking in the loading zone and getting a ‘friendly’ warning note, attempting a curbside pick-up when the teacher said she would bring kids out to the curb but never did ("Mom, what took you so long!!??"), and a very long and hot walk that was peppered with enough whining to make a conversation with Grumpy the dwarf seem like a breath of fresh air.

After three long days last week, I declared it curbside pick-up only in our family. After all, I've been looking forward to this since before she started Kindergarten, so there's no better time like the present.

The problem was talking my child into it. She was a bit hesitant to try it out.

Enter in the carpool.

I called up a friend of ours that lives down the street, whose daughter is at our school in 2nd grade, and who is also a good friend of my daughters and I said “How’s about a carpool?”

After an enthusiastic response, we worked out a plan. I’d pick up two days, she’d pick up two days, and we’d likely walk together or call an audible on the 5th day. And we’d let our husbands pick up some slack in the morning for a little while and see if we could get by on our own for the morning drop-offs.

Excellent!

Today was the first day of the new plan, and it worked like a charm.

My daughter’s friend stopped by her room, picked her up, and escorted her out to the usual curbside pick-up spot she has with her mom. But instead I was the one there today, and they were both ready and willing to hop on in when I pulled up.

They opened the door, got in the back, buckled their seatbelts, and we were off.

No looking for a parking spot (towards which only feable attempts were made since I heard you have to be there more than 30 minutes early to get one), no putting the baby in a stroller, no whining from my preschooler, and no trying to find my child in the midst of the few hundred other kids merging back into their natural environments.

It bears saying again.

God Bless the curbside pick-up.

A Few Years Time

It's amazing the difference a few years can make.

Today I looked at my phone, which has a 'notes' section on it. I found a couple of leftovers from the last trip we took when my daughters were playing with it on the plane.

One page of notes says my 3 year old daughter's name and then:

"Qphghihjhtyjjiiiguiiiuuuuuuuuuiiiiiiiiiiiioooooooooiiiiiiiiiiii"

The next page of notes says my 6 year old daughter's name and then:

"Daughter's sayings.

April 21st Monday 2008

I can't wait until we get home to california.

Love yah mo.

May 8th Thursday 2008

Hey mo. Whats up."

Both wonderful additions in their own right.

Just a slight difference in the command of the written language.