To Play or Not To Play

I've run into a new dilemma lately. So get ready to put on your thinking caps and offer any suggestions that might come to mind.

Recently I got an email requesting a play date with my oldest daughter. It was from the mother of a child in her class. My first reaction was "how nice!". And I of course politely accepted and we started working on dates and times.

While the plans were flying through the virtual world, I mentioned this impending play date to my daughter. And the funny thing is, it didn't occur to me until just that moment that my daughter is too old for me to be setting up her play dates for her. These days she comes to me herself and asks for the play date. More specifically she says "mom, can I go over to so-and-so's house tomorrow after school?" and then we talk about whether this has been cleared through the friends' parents and all that. And then I work with the parents to make sure it's okay, clarify timing, etc.

There have even been times lately when a friend of hers calls the house and they talk about a play date over the phone and arrange it. This is like a bad game of "telephone" with me on the second-hand conversation side with my daughter and the other mom on the second-hand conversation side with my daughter's friend on the other end of the phone. It's like 3 conversations all happening at once.

But I think these are sort of the bridging years for my daughter. She's able to make those calls, or receive them, and then just clear it all through me. In fact, there are times when she goes riding her bike around the neighborhood with the "older" girl next door, and I never even talk to that mom directly. I just assume that mom knows what they are doing, that she's getting the same request as me, and that if she's cleared it with her daughter then it's okay by me.

At some point we are just going to hit the "mom, I'm going outside to play!" point [editor's note: we have actually hit that point, I'm just refusing to remember or admit it] and pretty soon I'm going to have to start sneaking around the neighborhood spying on what she's doing if I want to know exactly who she's with and where they are.

And I don't even want to think about the next stage after that when it involves the opposite gender.

So back to the play date scheduling. I mention it to my daughter and she sort of makes a funny face. We talk about it and as it turns out, she doesn't really know this girl very well and it's not one of the girls she "runs around with" at school. She tells me she's a perfectly nice girl, it's just that it seemed sort of strange to her that they would set up a play date since they are pretty different personalities. I think I may have put a nicer spin on that than my daughter, but you get the idea.

Fast forward and the day arrives. The girl comes over and makes herself at home. I tell my daughter to show her around the house, which she does, and then they pick out a game to play. They spend an hour or so, which is all the time we had, playing politely together. I can of course immediately see the difference between this play date and her usual ones. Much less energy and excitement. Much less drama. And I'm thinking a little less fun for my child.

And that's when I realized that I was put in a tough spot and I did the best I could.

And so did my daughter. I coached her about being nice and open minded, and she did an absolutely wonderful job with it all. Which quite frankly surprised me a bit, since she can be a lot like a 13 year old at times with the attitude.

So we got through it all with flying colors, and when it was over I asked my daughter what she thought of it. She said "it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be".

While not a gold-star response, I'll take it. I told her I was proud of her for being open minded and a polite host.

And then it happened.

Another request. Almost immediately.

Now I'm really in a tough spot. I had no choice but to be "breezy" and say how lovely it all was and that our scheduling is really crazy right now, so "I'll be in touch".

I can't help but feel like one of the "mean girls". But honestly, my children can pick their own friends; that's not part of my job.

So I guess what is part of my job is being politely "breezy" on their behalf so as not to hurt too many feelings.

I hope it worked.

Lessons from the Boob Tube

Some day it will probably get easier, but managing play dates for my 6 year old is a little taxing these days. I have my other two kids to think about, and nap times to juggle, so now that summer is here, I think my daughter is re-thinking how great it is to be out of school.

I mean if I could get really organized (yes, even more organized than I am already, which is clearly possible) then I could probably work something out. But I'm really just feeling lucky to have food in front of my kids at meal times, even if it is shaped like little dinosaurs or consists of artificial cheese-covered Scooby-Doo shaped noodles.

Today my 6 year old is finally getting a play date, the first in a while, thanks to a very generous mother who offered to have her over. But it really wasn't very organized in the way it came about.

She was at a day care facility at our athletic club where a couple of her friends were as well. When it was pick up time, the other mother and I showed up at the same time, and what followed was a lot of begging and pleading for a play date. All done by my daughter of course. Which always puts me in an awkward position; I either say no and disappoint her and her friends, or I put myself in the position of pawning her off on another busy mom, when it's really that mom's decision to make, not mine.

My friend was very gracious to say that she could come over and go swimming with her twin daughters and that she would take care of swimsuits, lunch, etc. Many thanks go her way.

When my daughter found out she literally started jumping up and down screaming. As I was about to walk away she came running up to me and threw herself around my legs.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you a million times over!" she said to me, looking up at me with a huge toothless smile and sparkles in her eyes.

I started thinking to myself "Wow, that's one of the best thank yous I've had in a while." All the flashbacks are flooding me of my many lectures about being thankful for what you have and grateful for opportunities that my husband and I provide. And I am starting to think that FINALLY things are sinking in and all my words are not lost on little ears that only want to hear "yes", and are never in conjunction with a little mouth that says "thank you."

And then as she is walking away I hear her say to her friends "That's what Mitchie says in Camp Rock! Thank you a million times over!! She's so excited when...." and her story goes on about the new Disney High School Musical rival show, Camp Rock.

Apparently those shows that I consider too old for her and only centered on mean-spirited girls learning their lessons the hard way, actually offered a small tutorial on good manners. And it obviously got through to her more than me and all my many years of wisdom that I shower upon her every day.

Whatever. I'll take what I can get at this point.