Ode to Me

Almost a half a year has flown by since I last posted to my blog.

Poor lonely blog.

Alas, yesterday was Mother's Day and I'd be remiss if I didn't post something about the momentous occassion, given the name of my blog and all.

I have to say that lately being a mom has been hard work. Well that's sort of a silly statement, eh? When isn't it hard work? But lately it seems like there's just not enough time in the day/week/month/year to really be the kind of mom I'd like to be.

I am now a working mom, so time is limited and moments with my kids are precious. I want to get the most out of each interaction with them because I know I'm getting fewer of them these days.

Perhaps that's why I don't want to wipe another butt.

Or remake another lunch because there was too much peanut butter on the sandwich.

Or dry another tear that was brought on by the word "no".

Or perhaps it's just because I'm so tired from spreading myself out like a giant trampoline so I can catch them every time they come back down from their lofty lives in the heart of childhood. Where whatever you need or wish for magically appears in front of you simply by saying the words "mommy, can I please please please?".

And when they do come back down into my safety, I propel them out there once again, putting a little wind behind them and knowing full well they will fall my way again. And that I'll catch them again, and push them back out there another time, in endless repetition.

At least for now it's endless. I do know the end is out there somewhere. It's just not visible right now.

And hence the feelings of endless unappreciated hard work which leads to a bit of exhaustion. We know we are doing this job for a reason, it's just that we aren't sure our kids know we are doing this job for a reason. Sometimes it feels like we are just here for their whimsy. Like they don't even notice all this constant support and love we are providing solely for their benefit.

And then sometimes something comes along that tells us they really do see us. That they have indeed been quietly watching us all along. Watching what we do out in the world and in our own homes.

Here's what my oldest daughter wrote in her Mother's Day poem at school. My first Mother's Day poem by the way.

If you know me at all you'll agree that she sees me. And if you don't know me, after reading this, you will.

Jessica

Great looking, nice, pretty, creative.

Taught me how to cook.

Helps me with my homework.

When I'm sad, she tells me to take a deep breath and helps me with my problems.

I am happy whenever she's with me.

Party planning, cooking, loving, volunteering.

Mom

Happy Mother's Day to me.

And to all those woman out there that mother anyone or anything with selfless love and endless effort.

Simple Folks

This year for Mother's Day we kept it pretty simple. Well by "we" I mean my husband. And let me just say that simple does suit me just fine.

I know, I know. I dropped the subtle hints here and there that I easily could have slipped out for a massage appointment had he booked one for me. But really, in the end, that spa appointment is not what makes a great day.

And neither is a day free of chores, for that matter. I admit that I spent too much time yesterday checking things off my list. But that's one of the things that makes me happy. Getting things done that have been bugging me or haunting me every time I walk past a certain closet or part of the house. So while I may complain about having to do so much around the house, in the end, a choreless day is not necessarily what makes a great day either.

What does make a great day is spending some time with my family.

About halfway through the morning I decided that I would bring my mother the flowers I had for her and stop over for a little chat. I treated myself to a latte and had a very nice time just shooting the breeze with my mom. Who, after all, also deserves a lovely mother's day visit from her daughter.

Then in the afternoon we all went bowling. Our first family trip to the local alley, and let me tell you, we will become regulars there before you know it. What fun! There just aren't too many activities you can do with three kids, ages 3, 5 and 8, that you all participate in and you all have so much fun doing. And that doesn't involve a TV screen.

We all had a great time, and my oldest daughter was such a great sport. She had the lowest score the whole time because she was the youngest child actually bowling. My other two kids were using the little ramp so they had a bit of an advantage. And I explained this phenomenon to her when she complained about her score.

Of course, it doesn't really need to be stated that we had the gutter guards up the whole time, and let's just say they came in a little handy for all of us at one time or another.

And even though she fretted that she had such a low score, she really had a great attitude. No whining or worrying. She just uttered her complaints here and there, but always had a smile on her face. I explained to her that she was only going to keep getting better now that she was actually bowling on her own.

Then we all went out for burgers and milkshakes afterward.

It was just like an episode of The Simpsons.

Although I have to say the best moment of the day was when I put my son to bed for his nap. I rocked him until he was asleep, and then I just cuddled with him. I knew that I wasn't going to be able to do that much longer. Holding him in my arms and rocking with him was just absolute bliss. I watched his sweet little sleeping face and listened to his precious breathing. I didn't want to let go.

And that moment was further trumped by him today. After his nap he is quite snuggly and wants to be held for a little bit. So we were cuddled up on the coach with a little Dora on for company, and he started lying down. He was splayed across my lap in sort of an awkward position, so I asked him if wanted to sit back up. He proceeded to pull himself up and snuggle right up into my arms and chest.

I hugged him hard, kissed his head, and said "you're the best!".

He then looked up at me with his sweet baby blues and a delicious smile and said "no, you are!"

Now that is when I really feel like a mother.

It's the simple things in life that make me happiest.

Three beautiful, healthy, and happy children and a life full of love and fun.

It doesn't get any better than that.

It's a Stretch

It's Mother's Day once again.  A perfect time for me to come out of hiding and log back into the blogosphere.

It's funny, because this day is supposed to be about me.  Well not me, but us; the mothers of the world.  But what it always turns into is a sweet reminder of how precious my kids are to me.  I'm guessing it might do the same for most of the mothers out there as well.

Because we all know that we aren't mothers without our children.  So how could this day possibly be only about us?  And even if you don't have your own kids, know that your mom is probably getting a big smile on her face today while she is thinking about you and how you've made her a better person.

I know that's the case for me.  My kids continue to challenge me every day.  They do things that require me to stretch beyond my comfort zone, or they act in a way that calls for more patience and understanding than I ever knew I had in me. And in fact, sometimes I don't have it in me. But either way, that's a wonderful thing.  Moving beyond your self-imposed boundaries so that you can be who you need to be for someone else.  And when you come back into your safe place, when it's time for some quality "alone time", you'll be a better person than before you had to deal with all that spilled milk.

However, the flip side of all that growth is the exhaustion.  When you have young kids you end up doing a lot of stretching, molding and general bending over backwards.  And it makes you quite sore.  It's that ache like you get after a good work out.  You hurt, but it's a good hurt.  You know you did something good, and that you'll be stronger for it.  However in the meantime you really just want to sit down and rest.  And besides, you are getting all kinds of mental and emotional stretch marks, not to mention the physical ones.  

And it's that very raw tiredness that makes us wish the time away.  But we only get one time in our lives when our kids are little and they look at us like we can do no wrong.  When all it takes to make the tears stop is a kiss from mommy.  Or when they cry when we leave them, as if their oxygen is being cut off and their life just isn't any fun without us.  Because really, right now, it isn't.  And that will not always be the case.

So on days like today, I will once again pledge to live in the MOMent.  I promise to do my best to:

Play more peek-a-boo and less hiding at the computer.

Be more loving and understanding in those moments of total chaos, when all I really want to do is scream "EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP!".

Give a deep, soulful, I-love-you-from-the-tip-of-my-toes-to-the-top-of-my-head hug to my kids as often as I possibly can.  Especially since one day soon they won't want them as frequently and I almost miss them already.

Put more sunscreen on their freckled noses.

Listen to what they are saying when they aren't talking.

Join in their carefree play as often as I can, trying my best to ignore that voice in my head telling me I have so many other responsibilities that I am not getting done because I am having a pretend birthday party for a stuffed animal.

So hug your mother today.  Or talk to her.  Or pray to her.  And know that you helped bring joy into her life that never would have been there without you.

In the MOMent

I know we are supposed to say that Mothers’ Day is no big deal; it’s just a Hallmark holiday. Or that every day should be Mother’s Day. I guess that means you can call me a sucker, because I like it. It’s a rare day that everyone cleans the house, let’s me sleep in, and brings me breakfast in bed. So I’m going to enjoy it, damn it. And you should too.

But really, this day isn’t about me. For me, the best part of this weekend is taking a moment to truly appreciate my kids. After all, without them, I’m not a mother.

Lately I’ve learned that I’m a happier and better mother when I can be in the moment with my kids. All too often I find myself racing from one thing to the next, just trying to get through my day without going cuckoo for cocoa puffs. But when I do that, I end up losing sight of my kids.

This is one of the many simple things I have learned from my children. Live in the now. It’s why our kids are so in love with every new toy or make such a lively squeal when they see cupcakes. It’s all about what’s in front of them at this very moment.

So I say, for today, and any other day you can manage to get it done:

Fret not about being late for every SINGLE thing for the next 18 years and instead take a mental picture of every big smile full of pure love shining through from the heart.

Forget about the tantrums and the whining, and remember the big, soulful eyes with wet eyelashes clumped together that look up at you when they need comforting.

Hold off on the sigh of exasperation when your child asks yet ANOTHER ‘why’ question, and instead be amazed by the accomplishments of the human sponge brain.

Don’t worry about the fact that your child hasn’t had a shred of nutrition in three days and respect the growth that literally happens before your very eyes, whether you want it to or not.

Wait just a few minutes before racing through a bath that is already an hour past bedtime and inspire some giggles that make your heart smile.

And next time you hug your children goodnight, let in the love and appreciation that comes from simply being who you are, not what you do.

Know that this little person standing before you, growing more mature by the minute, is still your sweet newborn baby inside. And recognize that as each day goes by, this child will be farther and farther away from that little baby, moving ever closer to their independent future.

Take time to live in the moment, and bask in their essential need for the unique love, respect, trust and pride that only a Mother can provide.