Four by Four

Today is my son's fourth birthday.

How the time flies.

Before our very eyes he is turning into a little kid. Not so much the toddler anymore. Certainly not the baby he used to be, but of course he will always be my baby.

While it has been a while since I have regularly posted, not so much has changed with our little guy. Last year I wrote that he was fast, furious and fun. Those still stand true today. Of course he is many other things as well.

He is full of energy and enthusiasm. So much so that I often get tired just watching him. And I am always tired trying to keep up with him.

He is in one moment quiet and shy, stuck to my side, and the next waving to me as he runs by to keep up with all the big kids.


He is entirely too demanding. But I guess that is part of being young and innocent. He has no knowledge that things won't just appear in front of him the second that he asks for them. And if you ask me he'll have plenty of time to learn the value of hard work later on in life.

He is more loving than I have ever known a small child to be. There are the more overt shows of affection, like when he comes running up to me at school pick up with a big smile and throws his arms around me. But some of my favorite loving moments are those that are least expected. Like when he was watching the birthday candles on his cake burn and I bent down to be next to him while we sang Happy Birthday. He saw me right there and just impulsively turned to face me and put both hands on my cheeks and pulled my face into his so we were nose to nose with big smiles on our faces. It was like he couldn't help but do it. And I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with warmth inside. His love is truly palpable at times.

It goes without saying that his smile still fills my heart with joy. His laugh is still the most precious thing in my world.

And he is still the most challenging little bundle of energy and love in my life.

So here are my birthday wishes for my son this year.

May you always have the energy to face all of life's challenges head
on, never regretting that you could have done more.

May you always remember your roots and appreciate your foundation, but
never feel too shy to get out and explore what the world has to offer.

May you always demand the most, expect the best, and know that you deserve it all.

May you always show and share your love with those that make you happy, and
know that it will come back to you many times over if your heart stays
genuine.

Happy birthday my littlest love.

Ode to Me

Almost a half a year has flown by since I last posted to my blog.

Poor lonely blog.

Alas, yesterday was Mother's Day and I'd be remiss if I didn't post something about the momentous occassion, given the name of my blog and all.

I have to say that lately being a mom has been hard work. Well that's sort of a silly statement, eh? When isn't it hard work? But lately it seems like there's just not enough time in the day/week/month/year to really be the kind of mom I'd like to be.

I am now a working mom, so time is limited and moments with my kids are precious. I want to get the most out of each interaction with them because I know I'm getting fewer of them these days.

Perhaps that's why I don't want to wipe another butt.

Or remake another lunch because there was too much peanut butter on the sandwich.

Or dry another tear that was brought on by the word "no".

Or perhaps it's just because I'm so tired from spreading myself out like a giant trampoline so I can catch them every time they come back down from their lofty lives in the heart of childhood. Where whatever you need or wish for magically appears in front of you simply by saying the words "mommy, can I please please please?".

And when they do come back down into my safety, I propel them out there once again, putting a little wind behind them and knowing full well they will fall my way again. And that I'll catch them again, and push them back out there another time, in endless repetition.

At least for now it's endless. I do know the end is out there somewhere. It's just not visible right now.

And hence the feelings of endless unappreciated hard work which leads to a bit of exhaustion. We know we are doing this job for a reason, it's just that we aren't sure our kids know we are doing this job for a reason. Sometimes it feels like we are just here for their whimsy. Like they don't even notice all this constant support and love we are providing solely for their benefit.

And then sometimes something comes along that tells us they really do see us. That they have indeed been quietly watching us all along. Watching what we do out in the world and in our own homes.

Here's what my oldest daughter wrote in her Mother's Day poem at school. My first Mother's Day poem by the way.

If you know me at all you'll agree that she sees me. And if you don't know me, after reading this, you will.

Jessica

Great looking, nice, pretty, creative.

Taught me how to cook.

Helps me with my homework.

When I'm sad, she tells me to take a deep breath and helps me with my problems.

I am happy whenever she's with me.

Party planning, cooking, loving, volunteering.

Mom

Happy Mother's Day to me.

And to all those woman out there that mother anyone or anything with selfless love and endless effort.

Six so soon?

Today is the 6th birthday of my middle child. Otherwise known as my younger daughter and the only child that gets to be both "big" and "little" sister in our family.

What a year this has been for her. I can't even begin to adequately describe the growth that she has embraced over the past 12 months.

A year ago she was still reluctant to let us go when saying good-bye. It was just about the time that she was finally not crying anymore, but she wasn't running off to be with her friends either. She was doing the silent good-bye without looking back for fear that she would see what she would be missing.

Nowadays, we can drop her at school and she'll give us a little smile good-bye as she waltzes right into class. She started Kindergarten this fall, and although I haven't written about it, the experience has been wonderful.

We were worried that she didn't know anyone and weren't sure how she would be socially adapting to a new school and a new group of friends. But she was fine. Absolutely great in fact. She soon learned to love school and reported playing with a couple of friends. Boys, of course. And those couple are still her friends to this day.

She also started going to an after-care program after school. After a rough first day, she adjusted and soon learned to love the extra arts and crafts time too. As well as seeing those same two buddies for a little longer. Now she stays the full day and has never once complained. She really does love exploring this new little world she lives in.

This past summer she went to her first camp. She never before wanted to go to a camp. But this year she did a basketball camp with one of her friends. And she had a great time. Not a single problem dropping her off, never a complaint. Then later in the summer she was at the same camp that I volunteered at for the Girl Scouts. Her older sister went off to her group, I went off to mine and she and her brother went off to theirs. And she loved it. She really loved it. I have to say I think she even ruled the roost a little bit in her group. She was the oldest (not by much) and it was right up her alley; tons of arts and crafts and playing in the dirt.

It's like she's really starting to have fun with her childhood. For so many years she seemed to have one of those worry clouds over her head. Not really so much at home, but definitely when she went out into the world. But slowly that cloud has disappeared over the past year. And I like to think it's being replaced by one of those big yellow happy faces.

A few weeks ago she had another first. She was invited to a friends party at a little kids gym place. Do you happen to remember my stories about her going to friends' parties in the past? The way she would cling to me? The time we actually had to leave the party because there were too many people and too much noise? Well this time she went right in. Joined the group and never looked back. In fact, my husband took her and he ended up leaving her there while he went out and "ran a few errands". Probably at Starbucks. And she was great! She had so much fun she has asked to go back there to play. And asked. And asked.

Over this past year she has really adjusted to the world around her. She used to be afraid to look around and see what was waiting for her. She was overwhelmed by large crowds and noisy places. Now she is opening her eyes and taking it all in. And after a sage assessment of what's in front of her, she is participating. At least most of the time. Almost all of the time really.

She's answering people's questions when they ask her her name or her age. She's socializing with friends every chance she gets. We even took her along to my son's preschool holiday party last week and she was perfectly content going from craft table to craft table making things. In a room - a large room - full of adults and kids. That was loud. And warm. And that would have caused her to completely shut down a year or so ago. But this year she didn't care. She wasn't worried at all.

She even sat on Santa's lap for the first time this year. Despite her trying to talk her sister into believing that there is no Santa. I think that's just her rational side that she let's take over a bit too often.

This girl always has two feet on the ground. She's patient, loving, and incredibly grounded. Sometimes she's so sensible I want to tell her to just let go and have some fun. But then the next thing you know I'll see her pretending she's Buzz Lightyear shooting the aliens, and I'll realize that she does have a fun and creative side to her. It's only just now starting to really come out from underneath her emotional security blanket.

Here are my wishes for you this year, my beautiful six year old girl.

May you always keep your eyes open to the world and all that it has to offer.

May you always see the light that you add to that world, and may it always shine brighter with every year.

May you always choose your friends carefully and know that where one friendship ends another can begin.

May you never loose your sure footing on this earth, keeping your balance and sound judgement.

May you never forget that sometimes the creativity within our own minds lights the path to our dreams.

Happy birthday my love.

Nine is Devine

Today is the 9th anniversary of when I became a mother. It also happens to coincide with my daughter's 9th birthday, for those of you keeping track.

I honestly can't believe that nine years have passed since my husband and I first took on parenthood. Sure, you could say that it was 9 years and 9 months ago, but really, let's all face it. You aren't a parent until there are tears that you have to dry and bottom that you have to wipe.

So now here we are. Deep into parenthood with all its joys and fears. And I have to say that it's a pleasure that we get to experience so many firsts with my oldest. This past year had a few of them.

For every trip we have taken on an airplane this year, we had the joy of hardly noticing our oldest was with us. This was the first year that she packed her own bag, rolled it through the airport, stowed it away, and then kept herself busy the entire trip. Every time. In fact, being that we have the odd number of people in our family, and that most of our trips were in smaller planes that only had 2 seats on either side, many times this past year our oldest sat in a row by herself, usually immediately in front or behind me. Like I said, we hardly noticed she was with us. Especially since she would charm her way into chatting or playing a game of hangman with her neighbor.

And speaking of charming her way into people's lives, this year is the year of the first crush. According to her chitter chatter with her friends there's a certain boy that "likes" her in school. This also happens to be the boy that she mentions quite a bit, so I figured maybe she had a crush on him as well. I was proven correct when I went in to her parent/teacher conference last month and the teacher raved all about her, and then said, "but". She followed it with a statement that everything was great until about 2 weeks prior when she started not listening well, giggling too much and seemingly getting into other peoples' business for no reason. When the teacher was telling me this a lightbulb went off in her eyes and she said she thought it must be the new seat assignments. At that very moment my lightbulb went off and I inquired who she was sitting next to. You guessed it. He who shall not be named was in the cluster of desks. It was official. And when I mentioned my inside information to the teacher she was quite relieved. As was I since I was starting to wonder what catastrophe she could have been processing during those past two weeks of poor behavior, or what lecture I gave her that sunk too deep in her heart. Thank goodness it's just those little kiddie hormones.

Another first this summer was that we have our first child that wants to ride the roller coasters - and every other ride at the parks - over and over. And over. By herself. Thank goodness, since nobody wants to see my husband or I hurl as we exit a ride for the 3rd time.

Most recently we had our first sleepover party. My daughter wanted to invite all her friends over for a pajama party and then asked if some of the could sleep over. After much discussion, we decided to just jump in with both feet and invited them all. 16 kids were invited. Thankfully only 8 could spend the night. So for the first time my husband took cover with our younger two at a friends house and my daughter and I had a good old fashioned sleepover party with the house to ourselves. We painted nails, made bracelets and pillows, hosted a pajama fashion show, sang karaoke, and then took in a double feature. The girls were great and I was incredibly proud of how well my daughter behaved herself the entire time. Even the next morning when they starting running amuck again. She was very generous the entire time, and was conscious of being fair to everyone at the party and not playing any favorites. She seemed to just be genuinely happy to have her posse over and exist in the midst of all that girly girl fun.

The firsts are only just beginning. For her and for us. I'm just glad we get to learn from it all before we do it again with our younger kids. It benefits them as well as us. So I'm thankful for my oldest being our host into the world of parenting.

This is my birthday wish for you this year, my hostess with the mostest.

May you always live independently and know that you are the keeper of your own happiness.

May you always love with an open heart and embrace all the joy that entails, while taking the aches in stride.

May you always enjoy a good roller coaster and the freedom of soaring through the air.

May you always cherish your girl friends, giving generously to their lives and appreciating all the happiness they bring you.

Happy 9th birthday my love.